I’m at an awkward stance – the feelings I had for an ex-boyfriend are starting to rush back, rather wildly. We dated long ago, before I even took my AP Biology exam. I remember that vividly, because he used to stay up late with me, keeping me awake as I answered question upon question in the lengthy practice examinations.
I really liked him, and one can never fully forget one’s first crush, I suppose. At any rate, that’s a problem I seem to have. I can’t forget you, no matter how hard I try. Not that you’ll ever chance upon my livejournal, but in the event that you do, this isn’t something you haven’t guessed at, if you don’t already know. I enjoyed your company immensely two years ago, and our recent exchanges have only heightened that feeling.
I miss you.
There, I’ve said it. That’s what it is – I miss the ease with which we used to talk. I miss our intimacy, and I miss the fact that I could trust him with all of my frustrations. He was always a great listener, and all of that hasn’t changed one bit.
But still, we broke up. We ended our relationship, and that has to count for something, right?
How can I expect him to like me again, and to like me enough to overcome the reasons that broke us up in the first place. Especially when it’s been two long years since, although if you were to look at our recent conversations, you would never be able to guess at that. I love it when you’re a flirt.
But why should I define my feelings. I think I’m just going to stop doing what I usually do – it’s never ended well up until now, doing it my way. So although a part of me is craving his touch, and yearns to hear him say those three words to me again, another part of me knows that I should wait.
Wait it out. I’ve known him since I was 15 years old. We’ve grown up together – if we can persevere through these years, a few more months will only strengthen our friendship…I hope.
I’m scared though, I don’t want to lose him again. It was devastating enough the first time…do I really want to be heartbroken again? So if I just think of him as a good friend until things are definitely headed in a certain direction, I’m not getting my hopes up.
And now i’m talking to him, and sufficiently distracted, so I’m just going to post this!