It was supposed to be abstract. It doesn’t refer to a specific person, a specific decision, or any specific event. It’s just…a rambling thought kind of piece. I’m not sure how to even classify it. I was just writing rhetorical questions in Hindi because I wanted to.
What am I doing now? Why am I thinking like this? I don’t know why I can’t get him out of my head. I don’t know.
I don’t know why he got into my heart. When did he come? And why won’t he leave? Why?
I don’t know if I can ever be his. Does he think of me like that? Will he ever be able to? I don’t even know that much.
Should I wait for him? Or should I get him out of my mind? He doesn’t leave, every time I try. Why doesn’t he leave? Why?
We’re friends, but why is it that in this friendship, I listen to him every single time? Would he ever do that for me? I don’t think he would give up his life for me. He wouldn’t even say that as a joke. He doesn’t believe in all this. So then why can’t I forget him? Why?
Why do I do everything for him? And in return, why do I bear all of his desires and decisions? Whenever I think that this time, I won’t listen, I can’t do it. As if I don’t ever have my own plans? He acts as if whenever he wants, I should have fun with him. Eat food. Watch movies. And whenever I make plans, he takes one minute saying no to me. He never thinks that he’s wrong but whenever…WHENEVER…I tell him that I can’t do what he wants to, he gets angry at me.
I don’t know why I still spend time with him. I shouldn’t anymore, I think.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings for me. For us. For our lives.
I don’t know anything.