Theme Eight Response – Peace

I don’t know where I was going with this – I’m trying to establish a flow that, when read the right way, makes the repetition of certain sounds create a soothing and peaceful/relaxing effect. Tell me if it worked? This is a technique we touched upon in my Creative Writing class last semester, and as you can see, I obviously have yet to master it.

A Written Peace
 A lone water droplet formed from the condensation on a cool Sports Drink falls to the ground. It is quiet, it does not make a sound. Nobody notices as it makes its way down, moving towards Earth at 9.8 meters per second squared, down to the ground. It is a free-moving accelerating object not Bound to any other laws but the laws of nature to which its element is ground. It takes the shape of its container, falls with a splat against the pavement, turning oblique and misshapen where once it was round. It evaporates at 100 degrees celcius, freezes at zero – it follows simple logic, nothing profound. Bound to nature, grounded by gravity, the lone droplet falls and splatters with some sound, with a little rebound. The girl holding the Sports Drink continues on her way, running along the paved ground. She runs along the track, bottle in hand, silent music playing in her ears, her feet making a rhythmic sound. The droplet cannot hear the music – it is for her ears only – the strange white wires focus and hone it in, filling the air around her with unsound. The sound of the droplet as it hits the ground is drowned out by the music as the girl runs around. Peace, she says, and solace she gains, as her feet patter ceaselessly on the ground. Release, it feels, a satisfying rebound, as it bounces onto the scorching pavement, evaporates a little, but collects on the ground.

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2 thoughts on “Theme Eight Response – Peace

  1. I read this out loud because I have an inability to read to myself LOL
    My brother says “It’s very descriptive”
    Anyway, I thin it’s an interesting idea, I wouldn’t have thought of it. I laughed at the mention of 9.8 meters per second squared hahaha. Here are the words that I thought sounded the best: oblique, silent, rhythmic, white, sound, drowned, solace, ceaselessly, release.
    I thought the last bit was pretty peaceful, and I like the word choice you used. My brother is right though, very descriptive. Sounds good read out loud. Just be careful not to lose your message in description!

    • Thanks Nubs ๐Ÿ™‚ I wrote it in a semi sing-songy voice, idk if the repetition of the end rhyme helped develop that or not though ๐Ÿ™‚ And yeah you’re right, I’ll be careful – it’s a little ornate, this one…the message of ‘girl running on a track by herself to find peace’ could definitely come across better

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