Nothing like a good slap to the face

Yep, there is absolutely nothing better than a good slap to the face to bring one back down to reality. To let you know that you are, in fact, dreaming too high and need to get your head out of the clouds. Pronto.

Nothing like letting a person know that…just an FYI and I hope you don’t take it personally, but you’re not actually THAT important to me. Hope you understand and this won’t change our friendship or anything though.

I love nothing more than to be told I’m second-rate. Sloppy seconds. The back-up plan, Plan B. Isn’t that every girl’s dream in the end?

And who the fuck am I anyway, to tell somebody else that their actions would make me happy only to get shot down so fast I didn’t even have time to process it.  I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Whatever. I was hurt by the statement, and whether he apologizes or not doesn’t really matter. It was just a harsh reminder of the fact that I need to grow up and stop placing undue attachments to anybody I meet online. Time for the little girl to grow up.

Gonna stop chasing after people online. If and when somebody wants to talk to me, they are free to do so but to be honest, there’s no reason to initiate conversation with people who can offhandedly let me know how unimportant I am without batting an eyelash. Or feeling guilty afterwards.

I always do this and I hate feeling so vulnerable (and miserable) afterwards. You know that feeling you get when you walk into a group conversation between who you think are your friends but then they suddenly stop and hurriedly whisper things to each other while trying to act nonchalant and normal? And you just know that you’re not really as close to them as you thought and you get that gut-wrenching feeling inside your stomach that tells you how much of a pathetic idiot you were for putting so much of yourself into relationships that don’t mean anything to the other people. When you realize you’re that girl everybody pretends to be friends with but really, its probably just out of pity or some other equally as vulgar emotion.

I don’t even know why this impacted me so badly, it just feels like 8th grade all over again. Lesser extent, but it just feels like 8th grade all over again. 
I suck at online socialization about as much as I sucked at making true friends in school I think.
Does everybody feel this way at some point in their lives, or is it just me?

2 thoughts on “Nothing like a good slap to the face

  1. Going to add—what the hell that happened in eighth grade??? You know what, eighth grade is way over. WAAAAY OVER. Just forget about it. The snobs who did that in eighth grade are really-really not even worth thinking about.

  2. Whoa..whoawhoawhoa…WHAT HAPPENEDD…No seriously…Something must have happened between the time I talked to you last night and now? There’s no way I missed this before, I religiously check your livejournal-noseriously–RELIGIOUSLY…
    Omg..You don’t suck at socializing. Not at all! And that’s not true..I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but you would never be second-rate to me, and I’m so sorry that you feel this way to whoever made you feel this way, and I really should pummel that guy because no one makes my best friend feel that way!!!
    You don’t need to change, or grow up, or anything..If this person doesn’t realize your value, than this person is not worth it, don’t let it get to you. I don’t think it’s imagined or anything, and people do find love or true friends through online, you know? Behind that computer screen is another person..You just met someone who was not worth your time, I think…
    I don’t think it’s just you. I feel that way a lot too, that I make a big deal about things or think a lot about someone, but I’m sure they don’t think about me that much. It’s normal I guess, to feel insecure that way, but maybe not completely true…bah it’s 10 AM and you’ll probably have class….

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