I just felt like updating, so I am.
Life is okay, its stuck in one of those could-be-better, could-be-worse ruts right now, and I hate it when life throws me such stagnancy!
I know I shouldn’t feel that way, I’ve met a new guy, I’m planning a surprise birthday party, and I just spent a weekend in New Jersey. So I guess its not life that feels boring, its my approach to it. I want to blame it on the onset of depression because I’ll be commuting. I don’t know how I will deal with this – I know for Beverly, living on campus just wasn’t right but I can’t imagine my life without living on campus anymore. I need freedom, especially since I’m not the same shy and restricted girl I used to be in High School. Sometimes I try to turn into her and hope that I’ll be able to deal with things better but I just end up suppressing my emotions even more that way.
My cousins will both be going back to college in the next few days, my non-NYU friends will all be gone, [some never even came back in the first place] and some of my closest friends from college will be studying abroad. My friendship with Beverly fell apart so badly its almost shameful to think about it. Kirti’s disappeared off the map but its been that way for a while so I guess I just need to accept it and move on.
I’m just dealing with my whole situation really badly – I don’t want to live at home where it will just be constant bickering and fighting and arguing and distractions and interference and restrictions. The list goes on, you get it. I’m so upset that this is all going to happen and I’m going to be stranded all by myself in Nothing’s Happening Place while my friends are all gone. I don’t know how I’m going to survive the months, I really don’t. Just thinking about having to explain my timings and my day to my mother, having no nightlife and having no friends whose dorms we can cook Ramen in at 3AM…I don’t even want to think about what will happen.
Everybody’s going to be gone,