Growing Sadness

I just felt like updating, so I am.
Life is okay, its stuck in one of those could-be-better, could-be-worse ruts right now, and I hate it when life throws me such stagnancy!

I know I shouldn’t feel that way, I’ve met a new guy, I’m planning a surprise birthday party, and I just spent a weekend in New Jersey. So I guess its not life that feels boring, its my approach to it. I want to blame it on the onset of depression because I’ll be commuting. I don’t know how I will deal with this – I know for Beverly, living on campus just wasn’t right but I can’t imagine my life without living on campus anymore. I need freedom, especially since I’m not the same shy and restricted girl I used to be in High School. Sometimes I try to turn into her and hope that I’ll be able to deal with things better but I just end up suppressing my emotions even more that way.

My cousins will both be going back to college in the next few days, my non-NYU friends will all be gone, [some never even came back in the first place] and some of my closest friends from college will be studying abroad. My friendship with Beverly fell apart so badly its almost shameful to think about it. Kirti’s disappeared off the map but its been that way for a while so I guess I just need to accept it and move on.

I’m just dealing with my whole situation really badly – I don’t want to live at home where it will just be constant bickering and fighting and arguing and distractions and interference and restrictions. The list goes on, you get it. I’m so upset that this is all going to happen and I’m going to be stranded all by myself in Nothing’s Happening Place while my friends are all gone. I don’t know how I’m going to survive the months, I really don’t. Just thinking about having to explain my timings and my day to my mother, having no nightlife and having no friends whose dorms we can cook Ramen in at 3AM…I don’t even want to think about what will happen.

Everybody’s going to be gone,

I’ll be stuck at home.
Alone.
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7 thoughts on “Growing Sadness

  1. I’m not gonna be that comforting ten minutes before class.. (I’ll just call you later..)
    But that’s not true! You’ll never be alone, not really, you’ll just go home to sleep, you’ll be out and meeting up with people over there, and maybe join a few clubs, meet up with the friends you made, it won’t be that bad!

    And… (I know the parenthesis was for me) But, but, but.. I know I’m far away and can’t hang out all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to visit just to see you sometimes, which I did one weekend, haha, and, every time you’re waiting for the N22 I expect a call! And I’d lovee it if you came over to my new apt in the fall sometime, then I can cookkk for you and you can sleepover and we’ll have a mini party over theree.

    I thought you and Beverly were cool now though? :/ I mean, you two.. don’t have any hard feelings anymore, do you..?

    And Jessica won’t be far away…

    You’ll still have fun, even though you’re commuting, and it’s only one sem. Hang in there, meet up with people on campus.. And honestly if you think there’s still lingering regrets with Kirti, I will stalk her on the phone for you until I get her on the line and make her call you, just say the word, or actually, I would want to do that anyways, because if you’re mad at her, you should at least have a chance to vent at her one last time and get everything out of your system. Because the fact that it still upsets you, to me means that you really thought she was a lifelong friend, so, I think you should talk to her.

    I gotta run to class.. I’ll call later!!

  2. I’m not gonna be that comforting ten minutes before class.. (I’ll just call you later..)
    But that’s not true! You’ll never be alone, not really, you’ll just go home to sleep, you’ll be out and meeting up with people over there, and maybe join a few clubs, meet up with the friends you made, it won’t be that bad!

    And… (I know the parenthesis was for me) But, but, but.. I know I’m far away and can’t hang out all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to visit just to see you sometimes, which I did one weekend, haha, and, every time you’re waiting for the N22 I expect a call! And I’d lovee it if you came over to my new apt in the fall sometime, then I can cookkk for you and you can sleepover and we’ll have a mini party over theree.

    I thought you and Beverly were cool now though? :/ I mean, you two.. don’t have any hard feelings anymore, do you..?

    And Jessica won’t be far away…

    You’ll still have fun, even though you’re commuting, and it’s only one sem. Hang in there, meet up with people on campus.. And honestly if you think there’s still lingering regrets with Kirti, I will stalk her on the phone for you until I get her on the line and make her call you, just say the word, or actually, I would want to do that anyways, because if you’re mad at her, you should at least have a chance to vent at her one last time and get everything out of your system. Because the fact that it still upsets you, to me means that you really thought she was a lifelong friend, so, I think you should talk to her.

    I gotta run to class.. I’ll call later!!

  3. I’m not gonna be that comforting ten minutes before class.. (I’ll just call you later..)
    But that’s not true! You’ll never be alone, not really, you’ll just go home to sleep, you’ll be out and meeting up with people over there, and maybe join a few clubs, meet up with the friends you made, it won’t be that bad!

    And… (I know the parenthesis was for me) But, but, but.. I know I’m far away and can’t hang out all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to visit just to see you sometimes, which I did one weekend, haha, and, every time you’re waiting for the N22 I expect a call! And I’d lovee it if you came over to my new apt in the fall sometime, then I can cookkk for you and you can sleepover and we’ll have a mini party over theree.

    I thought you and Beverly were cool now though? :/ I mean, you two.. don’t have any hard feelings anymore, do you..?

    And Jessica won’t be far away…

    You’ll still have fun, even though you’re commuting, and it’s only one sem. Hang in there, meet up with people on campus.. And honestly if you think there’s still lingering regrets with Kirti, I will stalk her on the phone for you until I get her on the line and make her call you, just say the word, or actually, I would want to do that anyways, because if you’re mad at her, you should at least have a chance to vent at her one last time and get everything out of your system. Because the fact that it still upsets you, to me means that you really thought she was a lifelong friend, so, I think you should talk to her.

    I gotta run to class.. I’ll call later!!

  4. I’m not gonna be that comforting ten minutes before class.. (I’ll just call you later..)
    But that’s not true! You’ll never be alone, not really, you’ll just go home to sleep, you’ll be out and meeting up with people over there, and maybe join a few clubs, meet up with the friends you made, it won’t be that bad!

    And… (I know the parenthesis was for me) But, but, but.. I know I’m far away and can’t hang out all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to visit just to see you sometimes, which I did one weekend, haha, and, every time you’re waiting for the N22 I expect a call! And I’d lovee it if you came over to my new apt in the fall sometime, then I can cookkk for you and you can sleepover and we’ll have a mini party over theree.

    I thought you and Beverly were cool now though? :/ I mean, you two.. don’t have any hard feelings anymore, do you..?

    And Jessica won’t be far away…

    You’ll still have fun, even though you’re commuting, and it’s only one sem. Hang in there, meet up with people on campus.. And honestly if you think there’s still lingering regrets with Kirti, I will stalk her on the phone for you until I get her on the line and make her call you, just say the word, or actually, I would want to do that anyways, because if you’re mad at her, you should at least have a chance to vent at her one last time and get everything out of your system. Because the fact that it still upsets you, to me means that you really thought she was a lifelong friend, so, I think you should talk to her.

    I gotta run to class.. I’ll call later!!

  5. I’m not gonna be that comforting ten minutes before class.. (I’ll just call you later..)
    But that’s not true! You’ll never be alone, not really, you’ll just go home to sleep, you’ll be out and meeting up with people over there, and maybe join a few clubs, meet up with the friends you made, it won’t be that bad!

    And… (I know the parenthesis was for me) But, but, but.. I know I’m far away and can’t hang out all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to visit just to see you sometimes, which I did one weekend, haha, and, every time you’re waiting for the N22 I expect a call! And I’d lovee it if you came over to my new apt in the fall sometime, then I can cookkk for you and you can sleepover and we’ll have a mini party over theree.

    I thought you and Beverly were cool now though? :/ I mean, you two.. don’t have any hard feelings anymore, do you..?

    And Jessica won’t be far away…

    You’ll still have fun, even though you’re commuting, and it’s only one sem. Hang in there, meet up with people on campus.. And honestly if you think there’s still lingering regrets with Kirti, I will stalk her on the phone for you until I get her on the line and make her call you, just say the word, or actually, I would want to do that anyways, because if you’re mad at her, you should at least have a chance to vent at her one last time and get everything out of your system. Because the fact that it still upsets you, to me means that you really thought she was a lifelong friend, so, I think you should talk to her.

    I gotta run to class.. I’ll call later!!

  6. I’m not gonna be that comforting ten minutes before class.. (I’ll just call you later..)
    But that’s not true! You’ll never be alone, not really, you’ll just go home to sleep, you’ll be out and meeting up with people over there, and maybe join a few clubs, meet up with the friends you made, it won’t be that bad!

    And… (I know the parenthesis was for me) But, but, but.. I know I’m far away and can’t hang out all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to visit just to see you sometimes, which I did one weekend, haha, and, every time you’re waiting for the N22 I expect a call! And I’d lovee it if you came over to my new apt in the fall sometime, then I can cookkk for you and you can sleepover and we’ll have a mini party over theree.

    I thought you and Beverly were cool now though? :/ I mean, you two.. don’t have any hard feelings anymore, do you..?

    And Jessica won’t be far away…

    You’ll still have fun, even though you’re commuting, and it’s only one sem. Hang in there, meet up with people on campus.. And honestly if you think there’s still lingering regrets with Kirti, I will stalk her on the phone for you until I get her on the line and make her call you, just say the word, or actually, I would want to do that anyways, because if you’re mad at her, you should at least have a chance to vent at her one last time and get everything out of your system. Because the fact that it still upsets you, to me means that you really thought she was a lifelong friend, so, I think you should talk to her.

    I gotta run to class.. I’ll call later!!

  7. I’m not gonna be that comforting ten minutes before class.. (I’ll just call you later..)
    But that’s not true! You’ll never be alone, not really, you’ll just go home to sleep, you’ll be out and meeting up with people over there, and maybe join a few clubs, meet up with the friends you made, it won’t be that bad!
    And… (I know the parenthesis was for me) But, but, but.. I know I’m far away and can’t hang out all the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to visit just to see you sometimes, which I did one weekend, haha, and, every time you’re waiting for the N22 I expect a call! And I’d lovee it if you came over to my new apt in the fall sometime, then I can cookkk for you and you can sleepover and we’ll have a mini party over theree.
    I thought you and Beverly were cool now though? :/ I mean, you two.. don’t have any hard feelings anymore, do you..?
    And Jessica won’t be far away…
    You’ll still have fun, even though you’re commuting, and it’s only one sem. Hang in there, meet up with people on campus.. And honestly if you think there’s still lingering regrets with Kirti, I will stalk her on the phone for you until I get her on the line and make her call you, just say the word, or actually, I would want to do that anyways, because if you’re mad at her, you should at least have a chance to vent at her one last time and get everything out of your system. Because the fact that it still upsets you, to me means that you really thought she was a lifelong friend, so, I think you should talk to her.
    I gotta run to class.. I’ll call later!!

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