[5] Seeking Solace

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She curled up on the bed, tugging the ends of the blanket closer around her, wrapping her body in the heat of the comforter and trying to forget the body that lay beside her. As she shifted slightly so that her hipbone was no longer digging painfully into the spot where his bedsprings poked at her, she felt his hand, loosely slung across her body, tighten around her waist reflexively. She wondered what he thought about her right now, in his sub-conscious, when his thoughts were at his most true. She wondered if he still perceived her somebody he could enter a relationship with. Then she wondered if that was even what she wanted from him.

She let a small sigh escape, shut her eyes tightly, and watched the swirling shapes swoosh across her nightvision until she was dizzy. Then she opened her eyes, let the world swirl around her, and shut them again. Sleep would not come again, and his hand was still there, reminding her that tonight, neither her body or her thoughts were her own. After his cold touches, she craved a warm caress. Just one, to make all of the confusion go away.

He didn’t love her, but stll, she was there in his decrepit apartment again, sleeping next to him on his crappy bedspring mattress again. They did it because it was routine now. It was all one big pretense.

She turned around, carefully twisting her body around a full 180 degrees, holding aloft his hand from her body with her fingers. The touch no longer sent thrills. He did not stir or respond.

She gazed on his face, the soft smile playing at the corners of his lips, and again, she wondered if he would ever love her again. If they would ever find solace in one another, through good times and bad. She wondered too if that was what solace truly meant, to go back to somebody’s broken bedspring mattress night after night though the young passion of a motivated youth was dying down. They were not old, they had just become routine too soon. She let her eyes drift dismally down, noting the gap between their bodies, bridged only slightly by his arm held perpetually an inch above her stomach, separated by that comforter they had picked out together online, when they were really drunk and had nothing better to do.

Shifting slightly closer to him, she leaned her head over the rest of the way and pecked his lips, willing him to respond. Needing him to respond. Needing him to give her comfort.

He awoke, noticed her action, and made a half-hearted attempt to pull her closer.

Disgusted, she turned away again. He circled his arm back around her, but whether it was lovingly or possessively, she could not tell. So she lay there, eyes wide open now, letting the night pass her by.

He lay behind her, wondering where they had gone wrong.


5 thoughts on “[5] Seeking Solace

  1. Pingback: [6] Break Away « Controlled Derangement

  2. Oh wow, I love it! Her thoughts are so well done.. I liked the descriptions a lot, “decrepit” “no longer sent thrills” “passion dying down” “routine” … Their relationship is so unsatisfying.. and I like that this is how you chose to do seeking solace. It’s also interesting how they both recognize that there’s something wrong, so they’re both kind of in sync, yet they don’t really have solace within each other. I guess it’s kind of ironic to me in a way.
    Lovee, very thought provoking as Melissa mentioned ^ 🙂

  3. Hey! That 100 themes project (which I am totally not making it in one year…). But I’m glad to see you’re going back to it! I really loved the twist you took on the idea of seeking solace. This piece had some beautiful poetry to it. I love the juxtaposition of her thoughts and his actions, and than in the end when you’re left wondering are his actions out of love or possession? And than we get the smallest of glimpses into his thoughts. This was a lovely little contemplative piece. (I am so writing this comment during class…)

    • Yeahh there was no way I was going to do this in one year >< I didn't give myself a time limit, I just do them for fun 😛 I know myself too well, I don't have the time or inspiration sometimes and I didn't wanna force myself!

      And its okay I write mostly during class too, and I'm so glad you liked it! I hadn't written in a while, I really missed it 🙂

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