I am currently not an active member of any forum. Anywhere. I’m not even actively friends with anybody I’ve met from a forum. Besides Kyle and Mike, and that’s only because I’ve hung out with the both of them outside of the web.
But yeah, its all really done. Over.
No more forums. I don’t know why it happened that way. I guess quitting Neofreaks was a major step, but I’ve also just grown as a person. And not in a pretentious way like I’m too good/old/smart for this forum, but in a way where I can see myself having a fulfilling on and offline life without the need to seek attention and friendship from people I will never meet. I won’t go out of my way, at least. Not with these people who didn’t share many common interests with me, and frankly, didn’t give a single shit about my disappearance from their life.
Dan was able to abandon our friendship and pretend like a year+ of talking every single day, skyping almost every single night…was nothing. And if that’s the kind of relationships I get from a forum like Neofreaks, then i don’t need it anymore. I haven’t needed it anymore for a long time, that’s just why I quit. A friendship, or its thin facade anyway, can be ended in an instant. Block the person, quit the forum, delete them from Facebook, just stop talking to them. What are they going to do? They can’t show up at your doorstep and demand to talk, to reason, to sort things out. Once its over and you stop communication, its really and truly over. And people are heartless! They differentiate between the quality of on and off-line relationships, and because ultimately, they call the shots so easily, I’m confined to their definition too. I can’t call somebody a friend if they want nothing to do with me, and I know I will ever again in my entire life have a chance to deal with it.To fix it. Once its over on a forum, its really and truly over forever.
Stll though, its a shock. For yeas now…probably at least 5 or 6…for that long, I have relied on forums to be a constant source. Somewhere I can vent, find people to talk to, to become attached to, to love. T consider such good friends they could be family.
The difference though, and its a key one, is that the online family I thought was mine no longer is. And it didn’t take much for it all to dissipate and leave me with nothing.
If thats how the forum world works, I guess I should be glad that I no longer play a part in it. It has been a rollercoaster ride for sure, though. I’ll never forget it…forums are what mademe who I am. I’m not shy and reserved and quiet and alone, because these people gave me the anonymous courage to be bold and make friends. I discovered my passions, all of them, because of forums. I would never have come across Photoshop and attached to it the way I did without the constant support of my forum when I was first learning. I didn’t go it alone, and they were there to see my habit firmly established and practiced on. I’m not just an infrequent dabbler who knows how to get rid of a pimple. I’m a true artist. Forums gave me that. I am forever indebted.
But as for the rest of it, the drama and fakeness…that is something I won’t miss. For sure. I don’t need it anymore. I have to stop living in that world and make a place for myself in reality.
Forums, it is really and truly and certainly over.