Born to die. This sounds so great. Love it! Song needs no introduction or speech. Just enjoy it. On repeat. Like me.
Weird places like my Facebook newsfeed! I won’t ramble, let the words speak for themselves.
Start your day off positive. Look at yourself in the mirror and say: I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and god dammit people want to screw me.
I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.
When you’re happy like a fool, let it take you over. When everything is out you gotta take it in.
People say I’m crazy, I feel like I’m just a fruit loop in a world full of cheerios
You know that lovely delicious feeling you get when you’re right in the middle of a great book? You are ENTHRALLED. You are entranced, and you are in the world the author has created. It may look like Earth, but it has its quirks and it has these wonderful characters you are now connected to.
So when I have to stop reading that book and cannot finish it in one sitting, as I am usually apt to, I’m left feeling very unsatisfied with MY earth for the duration of my separation from the story. It is as if the hours are just a mere pastime until I get back to the world of the story. The alive world is the one I reading, not the one I am living.
Today, while watching the Oscars at my friend’s apartment, I had a very interesting moment. It was as if I was being pulled into a warm memory. I couldn’t place it, but just the feeling of satisfaction and intrigue washed over me. Just a moment later, it was gone.
It is only now that I am back at my own apartment that I realize the feeling was triggered by my activities earlier today! It was not literature this time, like I thought, but a TV SHOW that triggered this.
I was watching The Secret Circle earlier today and mid-Oscar, I was just sort of…reminded that I have a world waiting for me to come back to it. So I shall, by watching another episode before I go to sleep.
I don’t know if I explained myself well, but it was an interesting feeling. Sort of like how you feel when you remember a great moment in a book you read and then wonder why the rest of your life is empty compared to that powerful kernel of memory your senses still remember.
Thank you Pandora, for reminding me about this great song. I had it on my iTunes on my old laptop, but unfortunately, Twist In My Story is one of those albums that didn’t transition onto this laptop. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I had newer albums to add instead? Maybe it was because the music was slow and it became the album I reached for when I was feeling gloomy. Anyway, whatever the reason may be, Pandora played this song for me tonight and there was a great quote that really struck me. I’m going to try to do them justice.
Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to you breathing,
Amazing how I somehow managed to
Sweep you off your feet girl…
I don’t think too highly of myself. In fact, I have a fairly low self-esteem. I think I need to lose a lot of weight and learn how to wear makeup and find a more flattering hair style and acquire a sense of fashion as well as get rid of all the damn acne on my face.
So how is it that somehow, people are attracted to me? It can’t be personality alone, because I’m as clingy and dramatic as they come. I don’t get it, but somehow, I sweep people off their feet? They’re the ones with the perfect feet, not me. I’m just Pryanka. They have everything they could possibly want and they go for me. When I wake up in the morning, I’ll be in his position. I’ll be the one looking over at the man I love wondering how I possibly swept him off his feet.
Just some thoughts.
I do not feel much like a senior. Technically, this is still my third school year at this university. But LSAT’s are fast upon me. And this is the MOST ESTRANGED I’ve felt from my friends in such a long time. Barring Carolyn and Misha, my roommates whom I see every single day, my contact with a majority of my other friends has been so LIMITED.
And then when I do make plans, I just feel so guilty about not studying or otherwise spending that time productively! And I can’t even remember the last time Jess and I had a heart to heart. Or the last time I spoke to Nabila on the phone. This semester makes me feel like old bonds are unraveling and I really don’t want that! I’m not mad at anybody, and I don’t want to place the blame on anybody. I’m just pointing out that I miss everybody, that’s all.
PS: Note to self. Don’t show too many people this blog. Then you can’t blog about them anymore ;P
I’m really TERRIFIED about the LSAT. I don’t think I’ll be prepared to take it this June. I really don’t know if I have it in me, to be honest. I really want law school, but this process is just so scary that a part of me wants to keep pushing it off. Maybe taking it in October instead will be beneficial? Should I just get it over with? I just don’t feel SMART enough compared to other determined people. Why will I get into a law school over them? Where will I even go/ Where do I want to go?
Call it a senior year midlife crisis or something, but I’m panicking. Like, a lot.
It isn’t as if I plan on bouts of inactivity during the school semester. They just happen.
I wish I could compel myself, but lately, my creative writing and graphic design juices are dry. The words don’t flow. I’m trying to take it slow, one project at a time.
First, design is…is almost finished! A celebration is in order soon! Just one last poster left to complete.
Next, I set aside my idle ways and focus on schoolwork. I have somewhere in the vicinity of five essays to write this week and next.
Over spring break, I will return to my stories. Namely, my one hundred tales. By that point, I must also finish reading the lsat Logic Bibles.
Lsat prep will be the focus of my life until June. I will also fit in finals, of course.
Sooooo really, what room is there in my life for a relationship? But still, I want one. Be still, my heart. But it will not rest, my soul is ablaze, lusting for passion.