Day 03: Pre-Marital Sex?

Day 03 — Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save themselves for marriage?

This is difficult, and I feel as though my answer may come off as more politically correct than genuine. Disregarding the current status of my virginity, I believe a person should save themselves for love. Love may come before marriage, and you may love a man or woman you cannot (or do not) eventually marry. I don’t think it’s fair to deprive your emotions by engaging in passion-less sex after marriage because your mind wonders what it would have been like with somebody you love.

Ideally, we hope that everybody can simply marry who they love, and that their devotion to one another is so strong that they will not need to look at anybody else, and they will know that they are right for each other. In this idyllic world, the two partners can wait to consummate their marriage and avoid pre-marital sex. I don’t know one would ignore these passions completely, but I’m sure that there are couples who have the capability of exercising this restraint. I don’t know though, it feels a bit ironic – those couples who are madly in love having the patience of waiting until after sex. Isn’t sex the ultimate consummation of love? That’s a debate all on its own.

I think getting to know a person and loving them is first and foremost. I don’t think it’s fair that couples think that pre-marital sex is just a test run of ultimate satisfaction. If you love each other enough to get married, you will have your lifetimes to learn how to please one another. It’s definitely a learning process. Having sex before or after marriage shouldn’t matter if it’s with somebody you love. It will be special all the same.

So if you’ve found your soulmate, or even somebody you know you will be happy with, and you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with them, I don’t think it matters if you save yourself or not. I think if a relationship is at that level…you should know each other deeply enough to know that virginity (or the lack thereof) doesn’t matter.

Save yourself until you’ve found the one. If you end up in a situation where you sleep together, don’t regret it. But I don’t know if I would purposely withhold sex after finding a guy I love just because I want to wait until after marriage. If it happens and I love him, it’s alright. It’s right.


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35 thoughts on “Day 03: Pre-Marital Sex?

  1. I believe that this can be applied to marriage though. You should marry someone you love and that should be “the one.”
    It’s just that…. sometimes you might be convinced you’ve found your one true love at the moment, but later find out that person just isn’t it. And since this is such an intimate act, doing it with someone who’s not willing to spend the rest of their life with you…Well..
    Guess what I’m saying is, sometimes you can’t trust yourself when it’s about love. How do know when you’ve found the one?

    • Ooph, that’s a whole other post haha. To me, if you love the person and enjoy the act because it consummates your passions, then that’s enough. Five years later, you may drift apart but that doesn’t change how beautiful that moment was. You can only hope that the next time you recapture that moment, things work out better.

      • I think this is where we digress then. I don’t believe things can “work out better” sometimes. Sometimes the attraction just dies, and the knot has to be tied before that. I’d like to request your whole other post though xD

      • Ah I have to jet- but I don’t believe it’s about right or wrong. So my answer is no! Definitely not wrong.

  2. yes love, love yourself for love! 🙂

    I think it all depends on the beliefs and traditions that one has grown up in…

    I guess the best way for everyone to get along is to just respect each others’ decisions and choices and try our best not to judge, right? 🙂

    • You’re absolutely right. You should expect no judgment, especially from your friends. But I have to disagree a little bit about the traditions and values I was raised with. If I followed those, I would be a virgin until marriage, I would have virtually no say in who my husband was, and I’d never be kissed. Hell, I’d probably never MAKE LOVE, because I’d be with a man who only had sex with me to procreate. Boo for being from a conservative Indian family.

      • I have a friend who’s also born in a traditional conservative Indian family…she was already betrothed to this guy she didn’t know… she packed up and left after graduation just to get out of it… 😦

      • Yeah but that’s quite possibly the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I love LOVE my entire family. I am spoiled to death and my parents have done so much for me that running away isn’t even an option. It’s tough though, loving them but disagreeing with them at the same time.

  3. Very nicely put, definitely explains it better than I could.

    I think that’s a good way to phrase it too, because like it or not, people fall in and out of love, and sometimes the one you love now may not be the one you love 10 years from now. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Why suffer from consummating your love with this person if it could die eventually? At least that’s how I took it….not that I’m saying people should just give into lust, make sure it’s someone that they geniuninely love and know they can trust…I’m rambling lol.

    All in all – great post. Thanks for sharing!

    • Thank you! Yeah I know what you mean…waiting to marry even though you know you love the person is silly. If you love them, then consummate it! Wait till you find that person you can love, but then again…you may love more than 1 person in your lifetime.

  4. As long as one does not feel regret later…then it’s fine. The bottom line is that one really has to trust themselves to believe they are doing what they want, when they want to.

    • Yep, no regrets. It’s easier to not regret when it’s somebody you love though, you know. And a lot of times…people foolishly begin having sex way too young. I don’t even think it’s a matter of trust or love or partnership to them at that point…they’re just doing it for pleasure? I don’t know…there are the romantics, and then there are the people who don’t give a fuck LOL.

  5. I think a lot of the time people “get married” before the actual ceremony and all of the legal stuff. You know? At that moment when they realize and actively WANT to be together forever. What’s marriage anyway, other than a legal thing?

    • Oh that’s a beautiful way of putting it. Maybe you’re me, the word marriage is more of a legality. Words like love and commitment are what I would coin the moment when they realize they want to be together forever. So save yourself until you’ve found that person, but I don’t think that the legality of the marriage contract matters.

    • THIS. I do tend to think marriage is a formality for a lot of people (certainly, for me it is). For thousands of years it was less about love and more about an exchange of property – the active choice to spend your lives together and be faithful to each other is a mental and emotional shift that doesn’t necessarily coincide with a wedding.

    • Aw thank you so much ❤ I'm especially thankful for your comment because I know we don't even see eye to eye on this. (Well not fully anyway) I wish sex could be so magical that I would want to save it until marriage, but it wasn't. And maybe if it's supposed to be, then when I meet the right person, it will be. In which case…no harm done?

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