Day 04: Living In Blogger Fantasies

Day 04 — A blogger friend I’ve known for over five years told me she has been blogging anonymously all this time and most of what I know about her is her fantasy. My reaction to this news is…

What a silly (or awkwardly phrased) prompt. If what you know about a blogger friend is fantasy, then he or she isn’t an “anonymous blogger,” he or she is just not a truthful one.

For me, the whole purpose of blogging is finding a public sphere where you find it easy to be yourself. When I created this blog senior year of high school (It has been almost three years now!) my sole purpose was keeping in touch with my best friend and letting her know what was going on. That’s why she created her blog. Our whole point was to be honest and truthful and have a space where we could update each other about how life was going in our respective colleges.

To me, an anonymous blogger is one who does not disclose their life or personal details. This blogger friend from the scenario went one step further, and disclosed some sort of false personal information (Name, likes and dislikes, etc). That’s the worst kind of dishonesty, because you create a relationship with a fake persona. I don’t understand.

I think the first thing I would ask them is “Why?”

Not “why” as in “why did you do that?” but why as in “why are you telling me this now?”

Why are you telling me this now?

Is it because you realize that I’m a friend you are close enough to now that you’re ready to truly reveal yourself? Has our online friendship transcended into something that is more real for you?

I would be upset and hurt. To continue our friendship, I’d expect some honesty, especially if I’ve been honest with my blogger friend. I’m used to having online friends, if you recall my past experience with forums, so this scenario has actually taken place. There was a friend of mine who, a year later, came out to me and showed me real pictures of himself and told me that he had been posting pictures of a friend of his until then on the forums. But I helped him regain his confidence and showed him that he could be honest about himself online and we would offer no judgments. Once he knew that, he began being more honest and I think it was a really liberating experience for him.

It’s truly something when you can be exactly who you are, and people still like you, talk to you, trust you, love you.

It’s lovely to create a fantasy persona, but even then, it’s all coming from somewhere. This blogger friend of mine may actually live in Suburban Long Island rather than Las Vegas, but something about her writing style and fantasies should already have told me a lot about who she is. (Yes, the blogger friend became a girl somewhere along the way)

Do you know what I mean? If she is honest and upfront with me, even if it was five years in the making, my reaction would be to help her understand that she could blog about her fantasies, be herself, and still be accepted.


Please take a moment to check out the other wonderful blogs participating in 30 days of Blogging Honesty with me!

18 thoughts on “Day 04: Living In Blogger Fantasies

  1. Your friend should totally join in!

    I’ve never been too insecure so I don’t understand people not wanting to be themselves. Why would you want to be friends with someone who would only like a fake persona instead of you? People need to know that being themselves is the way to go. Less drama that way. 🙂

    • Mariana, she joined! She’s on Day 2 already 😀 My latest post has her in the Blogroll – she’s Bannatreasures. You’re right..if I had been the one with the fake life and somebody fake-me befriended ditched me because real-me wasn’t cool enough, I’d be upset. But if somebody decided they needed a break because they weren’t sure what to make of my deceit..I’d have no choice but to suck it up and face the consequences.

  2. i love the story about why you created your blog. you and your best friend are totally cool. i think what matters here is honesty. it is an important ingredient to friendship right? without it then nothing will blossom. i also loved the conclusion of the post, very well said. 🙂

  3. I almost feel like joining the party haha.
    Would it be any different if it was a guy (the blogger friend)?
    When you put it like this though, I just feel like you’ve breathed life into the person with your dets about Las Vegas, etc, and maybe they live in LI too, etc etc. Makes me wonder why- perhaps it’s that person’s reason for coping,maybe they’re from an abused household and need an escape- maybe the person has been living in the fantasy so long that he/she really believes it now–all these things- you’ve got me psychoanalyzing- like this person’s a character..
    heeee XD

    • Yeah exactly. I would just want to know why. And hearing about the why (hearing an honest response about the why) would teach me more about this blogger friend, boy or girl, than I knew about them in the past 5 years.

      In the end, and I’ve learned this the hard bitter way…an online friendship is nonjudgmental but also noncommittal. If somebody I knew solely via a blog five years ago told me it was all a lie, I’d be like…okay, so what’s the truth. And that would be that. I’d try to help them accept and be more honest b/c it’s just a good way to heal, but I wouldn’t be personally offended or devastated.

      Also, what party?

      • the 30 day blogging party…. ahahha man, the euphemisms wouldn’t fall flat in person! darn virtual talking!

        Well, who knows. It could be for a perfectly good reason– or it could be just because the person wanted to have some fun– or even the person is a sick jerk who was just playing around with people’s emotions like a puppeteer– (see-see- this person should be a character, you should write this into something.) so who knows. You’re right, online relationships can be noncommittal. But they can also be committal too, there are decent people out there on the ‘net!

      • OMG you should do this with me it’s so much fun!! You can do them a couple days a week, you don’t need to do this daily like I am on my blog.Oh there are definitely great people on the net but even so….that’s the difference. If you’re living a fake life online and then that fake you is making friends, those friends have the right to have questions when they find out the truth.

        It’s one thing if you’re just hiding behind the man you wish you could be, but what if you’re putting people in a position where they’re vulnerable to you and you’re taking advantage. It’s not fair. And of course, it goes both ways, but I don’t like to think that somebody I’ve “known” for 5 years is actually thirty years older than he said and gets off on pictures of me every night.

        Scenarios aside, I would want explanations. And honesty.

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