When is the right time for romance?
Is it high school? College? Later? Never?
Am I supposed to find the cute neighbor next door and get married to him, persevere through all the odds that keep us away from each other? Because I do have a neighbor next door. The boy-next-door romance, is that what I’m supposed to follow? Is that my path?
Or is it the high school sweetheart that’s supposed to sweep me off my feet? Because that didn’t happen, and I didn’t date anybody in high school. I just went through it all with my best friends and we were happy. Being single wasn’t a pain or annoying. I was content, but did I miss my path then? When I didn’t go to all the parties I was never invited to, did I mess up and miss out? No more soulmate?
Then we get to college. I failed the high school path, but what about college? I’m almost done now but is there anybody in my life so passionately in love with me that he wants to marry me? Will I ever hold that allure for another? I just don’t get it. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m nice, caring, understanding, funny, witty, compassionate, and honest. Am I too easy? Is that why I didn’t meet my college sweetheart either?
Graduate school – that’s next on my life path. Law school. Am I supposed to fall in love with an up-and-coming lawyer? Together, we’d be the dynamic duo and win every court case and be besotted by one another in perpetuity. Is that what I’m supposed to do? Am I being led toward the white picket fence path? Where I have two kids, one male and one female, and get married sometime around 25. We have a house in the suburbs, work in the city, and see each other on the weekends. We probably have a small dog. A low maintenance one to make up for our busy schedules. Well then, is that what my future is? I guess I just have to wait.
What if I’m not meant to every find my soulmate? The path of the “crazy cat lady.” maybe that’s my loveless path? Will something happen that’ll debilitate my capacity to love another and I’ll grow up bitter and alone? I hope not, my Indian heritage should ensure a marriage at the very least, if not love. Will I be just another boring, forgotten Indian housewife then, if that’s what I end up doing? Marrying to reproduce and take care of the household and look the other way as my husband came home later and later smelling of some other woman’s perfume?
Wow, I’m working myself up to tears right now, but I need to get these doubts out of my system and on paper.
Maybe there’s a little hope in the arranged marriage path though. Maybe we’ll compromise and grow to love and cherish each other in a way that we never would have if it was a love marriage. That ability to understand one another and complete conversations with our eyes alone. The type of marriage that comes out of compromise and mutual understanding, not a whirlwind romance that would leave us high, dry, and probably pregnant when we realized we didn’t work. I don’t know, that path sounds a little better than the romances right?
Well then I see all these stories of girls who met their husbands when they were 14. That they just knew they would get married and dated all those years and then got married one they could and now they’re totally happy. I just don’t get it. Why are they able to meet their loves and I’m denied time and time again?
Maybe I’m overlooking the right one by pursuing my fantasies? But I don’t get it – some people marry the man who was their first kiss, their first date, their first friend, or their first love. Why don’t I get that? Why is my luck so rotten that I’m 21 now and have not a single clue what it means to be in love? I can’t be that heartless.
Why? When will it be the right time for my romance?