You scheduled this post to appear on this blog one year later. In the middle of the night, December 23, 2012.
First of all, this is proof – the world did not end. You’re still alive. You’re still strong, and you’re probably still stubborn as hell. I don’t see one year changing that much. You wrote this a year ago, in the dark, just a little bit disillusioned. You were procrastinating – didn’t want to start cleaning your room just yet.
Here’s what I have to say to you about college. Hopefully…you’re just about done. I hope Spring 2012 worked out for you. I hope, from the bottom of my heart. Financial Aid at NYU has sucked. It has been a PAIN in your ass since you first started college. I would even go as far as to say that it has ruined the NYU experience for you
I can probably also say with confidence that one year from now, as 2012 comes to a close, that you probably still absolutely despise the Financial Aid system. You’re probably still battling some sort of issue that popped up from sophomore year. Oh god, I hope you aren’t really. I would be so pissed.
I am most curious though. You single? You still blogging? Still best friends with your best friends?
Jessica? Melissa? Nabila? Carolyn, Misha, Sara? Tommy, even Elvin? Christine? How is everybody, I’m dying to know. Who are the new people in your life?
Will you miss the SRC? Will you miss NYU? What’s the deal with law school? Is nail art still a thing?
So much can change in a year. The last time I wrote a letter to myself, I wrote a mushy pep talk right bfore college started. In it, I told myself how lucky I was to have met somebody like Kashyap. How, after just being at college for a few days, you were a new person. Or perhaps, you were emerging from your shell into the person you now are. The girl who doesn’t mind flirting. She’s experienced and intelligent. Not a genius, but she knows how to make do. She’s passionate and still believes in small things. She photoshops and writes poetry when she’s upset. Hell, she writes letters to herself when she’s upset.
I’m not going to fill this letter with names. We saw how badly that ended with Kashyap. Sometimes, what you think will be a strong friendship fizzles out so suddenly or so heartbreakingly (Kirti, coughcoughugh) that writing about it in a letter is just useless. Just let what happens happen, and understand that you are not meant to be friends with everybody you meet. I just hope that you’ve hung on to the people who are worth it.
I know you miss them though. Dan, Kirti, James. How does it feel a year later? Any better? Easier to accept that people can just decide you aren’t worth it? I’m sure you can tell that I’m still bitter about it, but I hope you’re able to look past that and realize they aren’t worth your time, if they are going to be so fickle. People change, and friendship is supposed to ADAPT to that. You don’t end it because somebody has changed. That is the most LAME excuse ever. That’s what Beverly did to you. What James did. And in the end, they are the ones not worth it. The ones that stick by you, help you get through the bad times. Love and cherish them.
In fact, give them a hug. Blame the letter.
Good luck. Life isn’t going to get easier. You just need to get stronger, all the time.