Rising out of the sadness

I’m HAPPY! I’m happy I’m happy I’m happyyyy.

That doesn’t sound like a very happy song, right? In fact…it’s a very, very sad one. But I want to focus on the part of the song where he’s so earnestly trying to fix you.

It’s that part where you know that no matter how down you are, somebody is there to lift you. I’m feeling lifted right now. I’m feeling happier than I have felt in weeks.

It’s the first time since I started writing Controlled Derangement that I haven’t been able to write about my sadness. Maybe I didn’t want to make you guys too scared of all my angsty poetry πŸ˜‰ I’m not sure why I hid from my own blog. I promised myself never to apologize for anything I wrote. And for when I didn’t write, so this is not an apology. Just an acknowledgment that I avoided writing about sadness and I avoided talking about it with my closest friends too.

But, like I said, lately, I’m feeling a lot happier. Not because I “talked about it” or anything, BUT because I’ve found somebody that lifts my spirits. A voice that makes me happy. Even when we’re talking about completely nonsensical things.

I finally feel like I can conquer all things again, and honestly, ever since I got my less-than-expected LSAT score, I haven’t felt that way. I really haven’t. And as much as I know I have friends I can talk to, I just don’t want to talk about it.

I’m rambling again, aren’t I? I do that a lot here. I do that a lot in real life too – just talk and talk and talk. You sorta get used to it πŸ˜‰

I guess what I am trying to say is, just listen to this song. And watch this video now.

I’m happy. Because having somebody paying me just a little bit of attention has revived my confidence a lot more than any amount of pep talks can.

Do you know I should have submitted applications to law school back in November? I SHOULD HAVE. Right after I got my October LSAT score.

Instead I’ve been SO demotivated that I did nothing. And now it’s nearly January. I know deadlines are rolling, but if I’m going to go to law school in September (And I will), then I need to get off my whiney ass and just apply.

Reality check? I mean c’mon, I have wanted to be a lawyer SINCE I WAS IN FIRST GRADE. Legit. Since then. My goal never wavered. I loved it. I’ve interned, I’ve worked in firms, I’ve done all the work a paralegal does. I WANT THIS. It was getting a little hard to remind myself of that for a while, but I remember again.

I will conquer all things.


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