Understanding Brown Girls

You can’t start a post about brown girls without referencing this Youtube video, right? iisuperwomanii‘s guide to brown girls is something I watched and laughed over when it came out 2 years ago – January 2011 – but recently revisited on a youtube binge that involved watching every single video released in the last year, and then some, by JusReign, Akamazing, and obviously, iisuperwomanii (These are my 3 favorite desi Youtube celebs…do you know others?).

The first thing she talks about in this Youtube response to JusReign’s Rant on Annoying Brown Girls is how us brown girls want lots of attention.

1. YES. GIVE ME ALL OF THE ATTENTION

We’re a little bit needy/clingy/attention-starved. Just a little. I love her references to the whole boy/girl inequality thing (WHICH IS SO TRUE, BY THE WAY. NOT JUST A STEREOTYPING ERROR) but I don’t agree with her logic that this inequality is the reason behind the neediness.

Inequality can lead to self-esteem issues when you’re a girl second-guessing everything you’re doing. Nothing seems to be good enough for the parents, so yeah, you start to wonder sometimes just how good you are. So when you’ve got a guy telling you that you’re beautiful and amazing and he loves spending time with you, you feel like FINALLY, you’re doing something right. And that’s a good feeling. I like that feeling 🙂

Plus, I don’t think that craving attention is necessarily a ‘brown girl’ thing. All girls want attention.

Okay fine. I do like the video (and admiring her hair in the video), but honestly…everything else she says can just apply to all girls. So we’re not going to talk about it anymore, but it was a good intro and it’s still a funny video! I love the way she delivers everything 🙂

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Prysmatique dishing the dirt on what she thinks about brown girls…and about being one –

OKAY so maybe I should talk about myself for a change. I haven’t done that in a while on this blog. Just have a public heart-to-heart-type-post.

 

Brown girls start drama too easily. All my life (post-7th grade life), I have tried to avoid hordes of brown girls. If you really put more than 2 or 3 of us in a group, it’s only a matter of time before shit goes down. I witnessed that firsthand and maybe I’m not letting go of the past, but that feeling of backtalking traitorous “best friends” is not something I want to relive again. So I’ll abide by my decision, thank you very much.

I’ve learned to avoid the packs of brown people. At NYU, they actually banded together and called themselves BROWNTOWN. They had a NAME. I don’t even know what to say about that…every time I try, I just cough and sputter in disbelief.

 

My parents need to stop talking about my marriage. I’m not getting married yet. I’m not planning on seeing anybody for anything THAT long-term. I’ve barely even had a boyfriend, barely explored my sexuality (That is to say…I am straight, but haven’t done much, sexually), and barely thought about my future in such a concrete way.

My parents, though, have done all of the thinking for me. As one of the (few remaining) unmarried/single girls in my generation, EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF MY FAMILY IS AFTER ME. My gosh it’s so bad that I once had a ring on the middle finger of my right hand and my aunt came up to me and gave me a knowing smile before asking, “So you’re practicing already, huh?”

FRUSTRATION. The ring just matched my outfit you silly fools. Just because I am now 21 (Going to be 22 in July zomg), everybody loves nudging, poking, and hinting at marriage when they talk to me. My own mom incessantly elbows me and asks “Oh, do you have a boy in mind?”

My god. They are so clueless, so old-fashioned, and so IRRITATING. Keep in mind that because I’m Brown, I’m not actually allowed to date. But somehow, still, I am supposed to have a boy in mind?

Weirdos.

 

If I don’t cook and clean, I am a failure and a disappointment. No mother will want her son to marry me…Oh how I laugh. Fine, it’s still a valid point that I should be clean and organized for the sake of having a good-looking house/room, but the fact that I am messier than my OCD mom is somehow cause enough for her to moan in despair about how my future mother-in-law will kick me outta the house if I don’t clean up my act. (Pun intended, and you see, even when she’s lecturing me about being clean, she brings marriage into the mix) And of course, an Indian wife who doesn’t cook and clean and coddle her husband is a useless wife, and I will be useless if I don’t start cooking some nice rajma and daal and chole and gobi aloo soon. [Those were the names of some Indian dishes, if you didn’t gather from context]

 

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I just wanted to write about how it feels like to be a Brown girl sometimes. It’s frustrating, especially when you’ve got parents that are far too stuck in older times for your own comfort.

Being Brown is difficult. Coming from parents clinging tightly to their roots and the way things were done when they were brought up in India is tough when you are born and raised here.

I would not call myself whitewashed, but I definitely have a different opinion on the strict ideology my parents have about marriage, the ideal husband or wife, and   duties assigned by gender.

I want my boy to help me out with the cooking once in a while. I want him to make ME coffee in the morning once in a while. I refuse to be like my mother, who caters to my father’s every need not because she loves him and wants to (Although there is definitely some of that), but because she believes that this attention and coddling is what is expected and becoming of a wife.

That’s what sickens me. That it’s an obligation. That it’s somehow shameful or disgraceful when your husband gets up off the couch to get himself a glass of water when you are sitting next to him. That you feel GUILTY that you didn’t offer water to him earlier or get up to get it for him. And that if you wanted water, you would again feel GUILTY if he got it for you and you could have gotten it for yourself.

I think that’s pretty messed up, and that’s their upbringing, not mine. Why are you guilty? He’s a grown ass adult. If he wants water, he can get it. If you want water, you can get it. If you want to get each other water, do it out of courtesy or love, not duty or obligation.

So yeah…if you managed to read this far into the post, I hope you understand me (and my opinion on being raised as an Indian-American) a little bit better 🙂

 

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11 thoughts on “Understanding Brown Girls

  1. hahaha this vid is funny. I cracked up that time the husband slaps his wife . And now I’m cracking up reading your post “you silly fools” XDDD

    I don’t blame them for being excited, you’re of marriagable age.. It’s funny that you bring up your mom saying “do you have a boy in mind?” My mom asked me that a few weeks ago too after we got into an argument about my theories of marriage. I’m not allowed to date either, but even if I did, I told her what makes her think I’d tell her about that anyway XD It’s harder on you though because I have my big brother and sister ahead of me.. But you’re right there is an inequality. My parents want to focus more on my sis because she’s a girl. I haven’t really been bothered yet, but I also have too much sass so I think I’ll be fine XD

    haha he has legs, he can get water himself..Well the same for cooking. Honestly, if a man can’t cook to save his life I probably wouldn’t spare him a second glance because it’s really not that hard..

    • Errr considering that I’m bad at cooking (It’s not that hard, you’re right. But it’s so time-consuming and I’m soo lazy…), I can’t say it’s that big of a criteria. I mean as long as we can make ramen, cook eggs, make the basics…we’ll be alright. I’ll be a laywer and he’ll hopefully have a good job as well (: Making ends meet shouldn’t be too difficult!

      YOU DO HAVE SASS! It’s not like I’ll be bullied into marriage (I, too, have too much sass for that), but the overwhelming hinting and nudging is just getting on my nerves.

      I’m glad you liked her video though – all of them are really funny! The guy in the video is, if I remember correctly, another famous Youtube’r. All 3 of them live in Canada and frequently collaborate and I think that’s just the coolest thing.

      • That’s not what I meant.. I mean sometimes the guy can’t even whip up a quick omelette or sandwich and that’s just pathetic. You on the other hand can obviously do those things haha Since both of you sound like you’ll have good jobs, maybe you can hire a cook 🙂

        It’s not bullying into marriage but I do have to admit that when family wants to they can make an impressive case about anything xD I mean my dad made me second guess my entire life plan hahaha Canada somehow always comes out with some really cool people.. thanks for the new channels, who doesn’t like looking at youtube on their free time!! 😀

      • No problem! I should go through this post and link everything…I always get too lazy to hyperlink D: Will edit and do that, but yeah they’re hilariousss and so relatable for us Desi people haha

      • I kinda wonder how different our families are though! Liiike.. if I dared to wear shorts in the house (let alone outside) my mom would get soooo angry.. I bet you don’t have stupid problems like that though xD

      • lol I really didn’t know that, that’s news to me ahhaha That’s the one thing I hated about home because I wanted to wear shorts to sleep :/

      • If I did that, I’d have to be up early and be changing/in the bathroom already so nobody else knew. LOL first thing I did when I went to college is bought booty shorts to sleep in 😀 My excuse is that there was no AC in my freshman-year dorm either

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