The world is spinning, my dreams are falling down. Is anybody out there? Can anybody out there hear me? Can anybody out there see me? Can anybody out there save me?
I just need to know what you’re doing out there right now. Are you going to help me, make me better, and make me whole? What are you doing right now? Are you asleep because you’re in the same timezone as me, or are you awake, a fellow insomniac? Will we have great 3AM sex? My future soulmate. No. My soulmate, though I haven’t met you yet. Are you out there? Where are you? In this country or in another?
Don’t you ever wonder what he’s doing right now? Or if she’s awake or asleep. Do you think you would like to know when the two of you will meet? No, that would take away from the thrill. But though you might not want to know, do you wonder?
I wonder all the time. When I’m walking down the street to buy dinner, I wonder what he’s doing then. I wonder what time he usually eats dinner, and where he is at that very moment of time. When I am taking a bath, my thoughts drift lazily from one concern to another and sometimes, settle on wondering if we’ve ever taken a shower at the same time. I briefly consider the criteria for a soulmate. Perhaps mine prefers to take baths at the same time I do.
They’re silly thoughts, I know, but I just wonder. I wonder what he’s doing. Is he skydiving? Partying in Ibiza? Is he rich, is he poor? Is he in school?
What are his dreams? Have we ever made the same wish at 11:11 PM?
Just the little things that add up and mean so much in relationships, that’s when I think about him. Will I dream of him first, before we meet? Will I see his body and feel an emotional attachment to the man before seeing him? Will our eyes light up when we see each other for the first time?
Part of me thinks it’ll be wonderful and amazing when we meet, and that we will just know innately that we are meant to be together. But then I think back to 8th grade, when I connected with the girl who has since then been one of my closest friends, and I know there was no skipped heartbeat. I was sobbing and looked a mess, and she patted me on the back and listened. But lightning didn’t strike, the world didn’t freeze, and I didn’t know in my heart that she was going to be a best friend, forever.
So will it be the same way with love? Will it develop gradually because he will be in my life and one day, we will find that all the hours have added up and we’ve fallen into the stage of our lives we can call love.
I don’t know what love is. I don’t know what I’m going to feel, but I just want to know if he wonders what he’ll feel too.