Rose Day, Propose Day

I made this for Dan 🙂 For those of you who don’t know him, he is one of my CLOSEST friends. He has been for years. We first met on a forum ( and bonded over our mutual love for graphic design. We became even closer when we added each other on Skype – for YEARS we talked almost daily. He’s an amazing person and one of my best friends you guys (:

Please click to see it in full!

It’s just something really small and quick that I whipped up in honor of the first two days of Valentine Week – Rose Day and Propose Day. I poured my feelings and our inside jokes into this little wallpaper and the background roses that it features help me fulfill Day 1’s requirements as well (:

I’m trying to lift up my own spirits, so maybe things like this will help.

Valentine’s Week is here

Hmmph. NO matter how grouchy I am about the whole affair, Valentine’s Day is still steadily approaching. I was talking to a friend of mine who has an overseas beau (Although neither of us are quite sure where it will lead or how mutual the feelings are) and she’s so happily flirting with him that some of the spirit can’t help but rub off on me.

She messaged me today telling me she’s on Cloud 9. When I asked for updates, she told me that today was apparently Proposal Day

Now…I have never heard of this thing, so naturally, I asked her more.

Apparently (at least in India), February 7 kicked off a week of cutesy Valentine festivities that lead up to Valentine’s Day next Thursday.

Here is the lineup, found on this blog here. Maybe you can read up on this blog to learn more about what each of these days signify!

The Valentine Week List 2011

Rose Day on Feb 7
Propose Day Feb 8
Chocolate Day Feb 9
Teddy Day Feb 10
Promise Day Feb 11
Hug Day on Feb 11
Kiss Day on Feb 13
Valentine Day on Feb 14


SO, TODAY BEING PROPOSAL DAY AND ALL. If anybody likes me, the next hour and a half from now would be a good time to announce it haha

I’m Anti-Valentine’s Day

That’s right! I refuse to give into the cutesy Hallmark Holiday that is Valentine’s day. Just one week to go and I’m already sick of all of the lovey-dovey mushiness that is surrounding me. All the couples in love and happy and caring about each other.

You know just once, I’d like to have a Valentine’s Day that consists of a male in my life who likes me. I’ve never been the target audience for Valentine’s Day. Never been in a relationshi(t) on Vday. Always single. Even the one time I had a boyfriend over two years ago, he broke up with me in the beginning of January and we never spoke again. Even when we were in school all semester after that and lived in the same dorm building. Eep, awkward, right.

But right now, I’m not painting my nails all pink with cute holographic hearts all over them. I’m not pining away and hoping to meet somebody special, and I’m certainly not expecting any gifts. No chocolates, hearts, flowers, dates, or fancy dinners are in my cards this year. I don’t foresee them being in my future either 😦

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I always get a little sad when February comes around 😦 That’s all, I guess.

It’s because I’ve wanted a relationship for so many years. Maybe if I had one good long-term relationship, I’d know the pros and the cons and want it less? But I think I have the personality that gets attached and I know I would make a good girlfriend/wife someday. I like taking care of people. I’m nice andand…okay fine, I’ll save it for

What I’m saying is true though. I WANT A BOYFRIEND. I am not afraid to admit it. I want somebody to take care of who will take care of me. I wanna have all these lovey dovey feelings and go on a really cute romantic date for Valentine’s Day. I don’t wanna end up forever alone!

Until that dream becomes a reality, Valentine’s Day will continue to suffocate me with all of its happiness. The day singles out all of the lonely people in this world and makes them feel that much more sad, alone, and depressed. Sometimes, the lonelies will connect over the mutual loneliness they feel on Valentine’s Day, but most of that stuff is for the movies. I can’t bank on that happening for me.

I just know that love will strike unexpectedly for me. I know because I am not leaving it with any other choice. Because I’m beginning to believe and expect that there is nobody out there who will fall in love with me on his own. I’ve waited and wanted for so many years and I’ve been let down every single time. So I hope you guys will excuse me for no longer expecting to find love.

Arranged marriage, that topic that fascinates me oh-so-much, sounds more and more appealing by the day. Gods, I hate this month.

Relationship Preferences

Freshman year, I was convinced that I had a very limited range of age requirements for the kind of boys I would let myself like/date. I was absolutely CERTAIN that he couldn’t be younger than me, and I wanted him to be studying at NYU with me too. I couldn’t even fathom dating somebody I couldn’t see all the time especially since my first relationship was long-distance, we never met, and we broke up because it felt like it was a pointless and fruitless quest for romance if we could never meet in person.

Then in Sophomore year, when I met my first “real” boyfriend (As in, one that I could touch and hug and kiss as much as I wanted to), it wasn’t all that I expected. He was my age and went to my school. We even lived in the same dorm building and that definitely made it easy to hang out with him. BUT he was Vietnamese. That definitely wasn’t in my “plan” and well…three months later, THAT relationship fell apart because we both realized that we couldn’t really let our feelings deepen if I couldn’t envision any possible future with him.

Junior year I was in the slumps and just sort of partied around and hooked up a little bit. One night stands? Yay. Every time I got close to a guy, I ran away. None were Indian.

Until early this year. Technically still a Junior, I was a Senior by credit this spring semester. And that’s when I met a guy who was much older than me. (Okay fine, 5 years older) and Indian. He’s like the first Indian I’ve ever been that powerfully attracted to too, so I was eager to see where this would lead. I even dressed to impress LOL. But I don’t really see that one going anywhere though we still talk now and then.

But as a Senior, I feel now that I am much more attracted to older guys. Guys that have got at least 3+ years on me. I think that they’re a lot more mature and are looking for more serious relationships rather than one night stands, which seems to be the norm for NYU. What’s also scary is that I am trying once more to restrict myself to only seeing Indian guys because I don’t want to enter another relationship that will fail because the guy will realize that I can never show him to my parents or let them find out we are dating. It’s just so much easier if the guy is Indian. I’m sort of tired of sneaking around all the time. Also, I’m commuting.

Just found it interesting how my relationship preferences have sort of changed and grown and maybe even matured over the years. Also, let’s not kid ourselves…I am totally procrastinating working on my novel.

Le sigh, I will miss blogging in my own voice. Clearly, it is a bajillion times easier haha.

Men of Futures

The world is spinning, my dreams are falling down. Is anybody out there? Can anybody out there hear me? Can anybody out there see me? Can anybody out there save me?

I just need to know what you’re doing out there right now. Are you going to help me, make me better, and make me whole? What are you doing right now? Are you asleep because you’re in the same timezone as me, or are you awake, a fellow insomniac? Will we have great 3AM sex? My future soulmate. No. My soulmate, though I haven’t met you yet. Are you out there? Where are you? In this country or in another?


Don’t you ever wonder what he’s doing right now? Or if she’s awake or asleep. Do you think you would like to know when the two of you will meet? No, that would take away from the thrill. But though you might not want to know, do you wonder?

I wonder all the time. When I’m walking down the street to buy dinner, I wonder what he’s doing then. I wonder what time he usually eats dinner, and where he is at that very moment of time. When I am taking a bath, my thoughts drift lazily from one concern to another and sometimes, settle on wondering if we’ve ever taken a shower at the same time. I briefly consider the criteria for a soulmate. Perhaps mine prefers to take baths at the same time I do.

They’re silly thoughts, I know, but I just wonder. I wonder what he’s doing. Is he skydiving? Partying in Ibiza? Is he rich, is he poor? Is he in school?

What are his dreams? Have we ever made the same wish at 11:11 PM?

Just the little things that add up and mean so much in relationships, that’s when I think about him. Will I dream of him first, before we meet? Will I see his body and feel an emotional attachment to the man before seeing him? Will our eyes light up when we see each other for the first time?

Part of me thinks it’ll be wonderful and amazing when we meet, and that we will just know innately that we are meant to be together. But then I think back to 8th grade, when I connected with the girl who has since then been one of my closest friends, and I know there was no skipped heartbeat. I was sobbing and looked a mess, and she patted me on the back and listened. But lightning didn’t strike, the world didn’t freeze, and I didn’t know in my heart that she was going to be a best friend, forever.

So will it be the same way with love? Will it develop gradually because he will be in my life and one day, we will find that all the hours have added up and we’ve fallen into the stage of our lives we can call love.

I don’t know what love is. I don’t know what I’m going to feel, but I just want to know if he wonders what he’ll feel too.

Day 26: Breaking the Law

Day 26 — I would break the law to save a loved one if…

I’d like to say that I’m an extremely scrupulous and moral person. I’d like to, but I can’t because I’m not. I don’t abide by all the rules – that’s no fun. I think my childhood turned me into a rebellious person, or maybe my childhood was so difficult because I had always been one. Whatever the case may be, I usually have no issues breaking the law.

Senior ditch day? Check.

Lying to get myself out of trouble? Check.

Drinking before the age of 21? Check.

I know these are minor offenses, but my point is – if I’m not a model citizen on my own, I don’t think I’d become a model citizen when doing the “right” thing meant putting my loved ones in danger. I don’t know how far I would go though.

I think if I knew the person was guilty, no matter how much I loved him or her, I would try my best to stay out of it. That way I’m not ratting them out, but I’m also not their accomplice. If I don’t know anything, I’m not expected to do anything about it. A silent concession, I guess.

If it was something like…having to murder or commit a bank robbery…yeah I’m not that brave.

But the small things, like stealing a bottle of nail polish from a store. Hey, I’m not telling. It’s whatever, nobody else got hurt.

So breaking the law to save a loved one is fine as long as nobody is getting hurt…that’s my opinion. Obviously I’m hoping that nobody gets caught either way, but I’d rather get caught running a red light than pointing a gun at somebody else’s head. For obvious reasons.


List of rules and questions is here

Please take a moment to check out the other wonderful blogs participating in 30 days of Blogging Honesty with me!