One passion?

January 13, 2013 – Late Night Thoughts

I tried to set up a motivational songs playlist – you can see it on Spotify if you know how to stalk me through those things. I signed up with my name (Pryanka Arora) and main email address ( if that makes things easier. I added the songs Motivation (Kelly Rowland, Lil Wayne), I Believe I Can Fly (R. Kelly), Stronger (Kanye West), We Will Rock You (Queen), and Total Eclipse of the Heart (Queen). Then I played a random song and set to work typing up this post.

But whatever thoughts had been pouring out of me dying to be written suddenly got stage fright and disappeared. So I guess this is just one of those nights that I don’t need music on. It was distracting me! That’s a first.

I wanted to talk about firsts today too. Today is the first time I don’t feel like wearing nail polish on my fingers. In fact, I have this strong urge to go downstairs right now and wipe off Sinful Colors, Blue By You, off my nails before I continue writing. I don’t know where this is coming from or why I feel such vehement distaste towards polish on my nails suddenly, but there is no denying that it is there. I have not gone a single day without painted nails once I stumbled across my fascination/addiction/obsession with nail polish in late 2011. It is now January 2013 and this week, I left my nails bare on Wednesday. And after typing this post, I am probably going to remove my polish once more.

I know that people change and it’s nothing to freak out about, but in my typical fashion of overthinking things and drawing out connections, I feel like this week, my passion for nail art is dimming. I am sure it will revitalize or change gradually into a gentler calling.

Passion. I never want to be criticized for not having enough passion. With my career, with my family, with my hobbies – I want to be passionate. I never want to do something I am not passionate about. And it is not until recently that I began to experience so much depression, anxiety, and doubt when it came to law.

Guys, I WANT TO BE A LAWYER. I have wanted to be a lawyer since I can remember. Dreams can change, and it’s okay. But this isn’t even a dream. It is my one goal, ambition, purpose, and passion. My ONE career choice that I felt undying passion and draw to.

Then it came down to it and I underperformed on the LSAT. Maybe not the end of the world, but crushing to my self-esteem and confidence. To my passion.

I feel as though when I lost that passion, I tried to fill in the gaps with things like nail art, beauty blogging, makeup and skincare products, nail polish, and dating. My writing suffered, my academics suffered, and certainly, the law school application process has suffered.

I don’t have a single letter of rec yet, though I brought up the subject with my Professors and Bosses back in November. I just dropped it all. What happened to my passion? WHERE IS IT?

I need it back. I want to be a lawyer. I need to write the BEST essay ever and convince them, in two double-spaced pages, that if they look beyond the numbers, they will see a woman who wants it desperately. Who envisions herself as a lawyer, and who knows she will be a success.

But can I only handle one passion at a time? When I am trying to revitalize my passion for law, why do I find my love of nail polish faltering? Why am I no longer writing creatively? Why have I not done anything in Photoshop in MONTHS???

I still want to be passionate 😦 Help me find my passions. I can’t pick just one.

After I typed up this post, I did actually go down to get my polish remover and open up Youtube to catch up on my subscribed channels. iisuperwomanii posted a new video, and it furthered my melancholy mood 😦 RIP to her grandfather, please watch this extremely moving and emotional and uplifting video though…it has an important message. It felt like she was speaking right to me. Right to my fears and emotions.

I know I am ending this on a serious note, and my heart is just breaking for what she is going through, but I think it’s an important message that I really needed to hear.

What I want to say to you is that in 2013, you will fall. You will get upset, you will get heartbroken, things will go wrong. And what I want to tell you is that you don’t need to wait until the end of the year to decide it’s a new beginning. Every single day, any day you choose can be a new beginning. So in 2013, if something doesn’t go your way, don’t think “Oh, that’s it, the year is done, I can’t do anything.” No! Wake up the next morning, and make it happen. 2013 is your year, I believe in you, follow your dreams. And when I say follow your dreams, that doesn’t mean dream about them. That means wake up and make it happen. Stop wishing, start doing. I believe in you.


Good morning!

I’m sitting here awake at nearly 5 in the morning, and thought it would be a good time to write up a post!

I have so many sitting in my Drafts folder, but I never really know what to say here anymore. I’m going to touch base with the roots of Controlled Derangement and talk about my thoughts.

That’s what this site is supposed to be. My little personal internet haven where I am allowed to be as bitchy and whiny as I want because I have nobody to answer to but myself. Readers are warned now – this blog has always been a personal one. A no holes barred one. Just keep that in mind.

A lot has been going on these past few weeks of summer, and too much of it has been related to non-academics. My nail polish collection has grown into an addiction. A full blown one where I have around 400 nail polishes now and asked for a proper ALEX drawer unit as a birthday present. In fact, daddy just finished setting it up tonight, at around 1AM.

Here are some pictures of the whole process!

As you can see, I initially had the lighting settings all wrong and everything is all yellow! But here’s a closer view of the finished ALEX drawer unit –

I need to re-house my entire nail polish collection, which is currently stored in shoeboxes and then stuffed into a large under-the-bed clear plastic container.

And because I’m in a picture-spamming kind of mood, here are pictures of my LATEST acquisitions! Just for funzies. IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE OF MY NAIL POLISH INSANITY, PLEASE FOLLOW MY NAIL-POLISH-ONLY PAGE BY CLICKING HERE!

I’m not kidding, I’m going crazy. You can see that when I start something, I go hard. When I started writing, I just wanted to tell you guys about all the fun stuff going on in my life. I ended up blogging about nail polish. I really and truly enjoy everything about it. Applying polish while watching TV or reading has become one of my favorite pastimes. It’s relaxing, it’s creative, and I really, REALLY love it.

I’ve even started working on some craftier projects, trying to incorporate nail polish when I can. You’ll see more of those projects when I’ve completed them, as some of them are to be gifts and I don’t want to spoil any surprises!

Other than that, I have been fretting about birthday presents recently as well. I have two ultra-big projects to finish so that I can give Nabila and Christine their gifts on time!! It’s really difficult preparing a present for somebody when they’re so secretive about wanting something! Seriously -.-

One last thing I wanted to say though, before I go back to bed and try to sleep. Okay fine, two things.

Tomorrow, I’m going TO AN ARCHERY RANGE with Christine and other friends. I totally haven’t finished her present yet so all I’m doing is gifting her a card for now and bringing her present over to her on August 1st since we’re both working on campus. I’m really excited for this though!!

Then, on Monday AKA MY 21ST BIRTHDAYI’ll be attending a NAIL POLISH MEETUP hosted by blogger and nail polish creator Maria of Cult Nails.

Alright really now, I need to rest up before I head to go shoot some bow and arrow and kick butt tomorrow. Pray that I don’t hurt somebody else (or myself) tomorrow!!

Moving my nail art to a new blog

Nail Spark*

I’ll be more motivated once this particular new field of extreme interest and passion has its own blog, complete with categories of its own. I probably could implement it here with subcategories and a drop-down menu for swatches/tuts off a main nail art tab in my top menu of this blog, BUUUT thats just too cluttered here. Too many different things going on at once, and the nail art blog will be very picture heavy.

Also, not going to lie, I hope to advertise that one much much more haha. Check it out here –

Nail Spark*