[8] Innocence

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The music beat strangely within his heart. Bass reverberated throughout the floor, consuming his body and heart in a fast disco beat. Tyler had been in the club for hours now, he didn’t even know. It must have been eleven or twelve when he got in, but now it was late and the party was blasting and he was pretty sure he had seen Chris Brown in the corner somewhere at some point in the night. He had no idea how many Jägerbombs he’d had now, I think he last counted 12. He would probably feel like complete shit in the morning but he was pumped up and nothing else mattered. Just the beat.

Tyler had come in with his bros. He had no idea where they were now but he was zoned out in his world, a world ruled by the rhythm and the beat and the gyrating bodies of the dance floor. He continued to pump through the crowd, energized by their enthusiasm and liberated desire.

He loved dance. It isn’t that he was amazing at it or that he had been taking classes since he was 5, but he had a natural aptitude for it. Going to a club was more than for the 2AM booze specials and the girls. They were a plus though. He smirked and headed confidently over to a girl in a skintight red dress. She had accessorized in metallics, and he admired her tiny waist accentuated by gold and bronze chain belts decorated with a silver filigree of some sort. The vintage metallic earrings, bracelets, and necklaces added to the overall effect. For some reason, the word ‘couture’ came into his head.

She looked out of place, like she was trying too hard. She was moving to the music but he could tell she wanted to be on the sideline. He wondered what she did, if she was a college student or…well, he didn’t know. But he was struck by so much curiosity that he had to try to find out. So Tyler made his way over to her and started dancing up on this chick by her. The dance floor was so crowded that it really didn’t matter who he said he was dancing with, there are 3 other people just as close.

He still didn’t know what was so attractive about this girl he was basically stalking now though. Maybe it was the dress, maybe it was the way her hair fell down in soft light brown waves. Maybe it was because the feathered headband she wore accented everything perfectly. Maybe it was because the flashing red lights from the club ceiling highlighted her hair and made him think that just for a second, Venus herself had stepped down for a night of mischief.

Maybe it was just because the alcohol was getting to him.

He moved up behind her and started to move in rhythm to the beat and her body. Got closer with every bar of whatever popular hip-hop song was playing, he didn’t even know, he was just enjoying the proximity.

She was carefree just like him. The music moved her the way it did him, and she was lost, a look of bliss on her face. His arms slung loosely around her waist and she stepped up to this new guy, seamlessly and effortlessly making him a part of her dance. And the dance breathed through them and around them and it was as if they were one but still, she was innocent.


[7] Heaven II

[7.1.5] Heaven ← Previous Story | Next story → Innocence
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She stumbled back into his apartment after their night out, feeling more alive than she had in a long time. Their relationship had long since silvered, the gilded facade of perfection chipped to reveal the stainless steel underneath.

He went into the bathroom first and she walked toward his bed. Their bed. They had picked it out together two years. $50 secondhand bedframe from some guy in Union Square who was holding a moving out sale. It was compact, made for life in a cramped city apartment. The headboard, they had made themselves. Well…Roxy had worked on it, Tyler had just stood by and watched. Handed her a scissor and a button when she needed it. The plush headboard was perfect, because Roxy loved reading and she could lean back against this, there was no need for pillows. It also made for comfier sex. Not that he had tried anything daring in a while…

She picked up his coat from the bed to go hang it up, but dislodged a piece of paper instead

I’m like a dusty record, she’s a shiny new track.

The taste of her perfume is still intoxicating
My heart still beats faster, her skin is still divine.
We still fit. We still understand each other too much,
We can complete each others thoughts. The good and the bad.
I don’t need to lie to her. She looks beautiful, no matter what.
She’s like a slice of heaven. My own slice of perfection, and
I can’t believe I considered letting her go.

Tears in her eyes, she walked into the bathroom after Tyler. She came up behind him and hugged him. His shoulders stiffened from the sudden contact, then softened as he leaned back into her and looked over her inquisitively, toothbrush held in place by his teeth.

“You’re still my slice of heaven too,” she mumbled as the tears continued to slide gracefully down the curve of her cheeks

[7] Heaven I + 1/2

[7.1] Heaven ← Previous Story | Next story → [7.2] Heaven
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read this before you read Heaven II! I’ll change timestamps to fix it but for now, just ignore Heaven II 😀

So what happened is that I began writing this, and it was left as a draft. I was going to let this remain a scrap but then I accidentally referenced it in Heaven II. So this is going to clarify things ❤ Enjoy. 

Roxy was giddy with excitement, though none of the excuses she gave herself seemed to actually excuse the feelings.

It was just Tyler. The same brooding man she’d known for almost five years now. But what made today different was that they were on a date again and he looked like he was actually trying.  Nothing extreme, or she might have fainted from the shock.

But they were out to a bar instead of a club, and he was trying to make conversation instead of their usual pattern of grinding, sexual tension, and then running back to his apartment to sleep together for the night. Tonight, she felt like his girlfriend.

He walked back over to their table from the bar with two drinks in his hand. Both were her favorites. This time, he was doing it for more than the usual reasons of getting her drunk and then getting some. He didn’t need to give her the drinks first anymore. That was one thing, but tonight, the drinks were in his hand because he wanted to show her that he still remembered.

She saw the Bay Breeze walking its way over first, and then looked past the hand to the handsome face with the glass. “Malibu Bay Breeze? Seriously boo, I haven’t had these in ages.” She beamed over at him and threaded her way past the close set tables. She walked up to him, gave him a kiss as she grabbed for the glass. He laughed into her kiss, and said “Settle down, its for you.

Taking the glass from him in case he changed his mind, she grabbed his hand and led him back to the table. Sat down, already giggly and happy from the shots they had taken. He didn’t take her out often anymore. This was a treat.

He was besotted once more. His eyes didn’t stray that night, and his heart stayed put.

Yeah, he still loved this girl. This girl in front of him giggling away like the night he had first met her. That night when they had been young and 21, when they were still in college and believed in love. A lot had happened since then, but looking at her flushed face, he was starting to believe in love once more. She was his slice of heaven.


[7] Heaven I

[6] Break Away ← Previous Story | Next story → [7.15] Heaven
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I was tryna write you a song,
But the lyrics, they
Didn’t feel original.

Tried to write a poem,
But the rhymes were off
And I couldn’t even get the line

I tried to blog,
Get my creativity out in prose,
But the words just wouldn’t come.

I don’t know why, maybe
We just didn’t fit together, you
And I. But then I pause, and reconsider,
Because maybe we did.

And if we did, then how could I have let you go,
Hold you in my arms but let my heart wander.
Knowing you are the one, but
Not listen to my subconscious.

I didn’t do right by you
And they say everything is written
So maybe we have a shot in the stars,
Under the moonlight, love might come again unbidden.

I say unbidden, because I never had to call.
Your smile was there, it was enough
Because you set my heart aflutter with
Your hopes and your dreams
And your crazy childish fantasies
That I loved.

This is why when I was with you,
We were in heaven. Just a little bit,
You had me flying high and low,
Going up and down with you, in and out with you,
Going in and out of this love that we didn’t
Even fully recognize ourselves,

But now I know,
And its because I feel like I’ve lost you.


[6] Break Away

[5] Seeking Solace ← Previous Story | Next story → [7.1] Heaven
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The two finally rose in sync, almost without meaning to. She quietly peeled off the covers she had been hugging to herself just as he moved his arm off of her waist to rub the last vestiges of pseudo-sleep off his eyes.

Instead of getting off as she had intended, she instead turned to face him again and whispered her good morning. He just nodded.

A sudden burst of the old flame incited her to lean in to kiss him again, to show him that at one point, they had loved. Her lips caught his, and her tongue stubbornly caressed them until he ceded her entrance. She pulled him toward her, giving him the kiss that had attracted him to her all those years ago, hoping that it would reignite the memories in  him too. All the precious moments they had shared, they had to count for something. They had never really fought, maybe that was the problem. They just grew distant from each other, and it was a gradual creeping thing, this change.

But she was wrong, he did still care. Maybe it was the routine they needed to break away from. He kissed her back, more amused than anything, and let slip a chuckle. The vibrations of his laugh rolled into her, the sensation causing her to wrap a leg around his and run her fingers through his hair. It was a different lovemaking, it was assurance that they weren’t dead yet.

She pulled back. “Take me on a date today.”

He extricated his legs from hers. Just gave her a look. That same brooding, contemplative look that she found so irresistibly frustrating and sexy.

Inwardly sighing, she shifted and made to get off the bed. He didn’t try to stop her, so she walked into the bathroom, started the shower, slowly began removing her clothes. The door remained open, but she knew he wouldn’t come. He didn’t.

The time for a decision had come. To fix things seemed a daunting task, but to break away? What of it? He thought back to their first date. Then he laughed as the sudden and very vivid memory of her, proclaiming sobriety while drunk, came into his head. He got out of the bed, looked at the sheets and the mattress still slightly molded to the shape of their bodies, carefully untouching, and then decided that he was going to break away from the indifference and try.

She caught her breath as he walked into the shower with her. It was the most intimacy they’d had in weeks. He shut the door behind him, rinsed his mouth with the almost-empty bottle of Listerine that Roxy had bought three months ago, and then got into the shower with her. She stepped closer to him, unsure.

He looked at her, fully water-soaked, and admired the way the water added shine to her dark brown tresses. For the first time in a long time, he bridged the gap.

As he nestled her in his arms, she finally shuddered and began to cry, tears and water from the shower soaking him now too.

He remembered again how well she fit.


[5] Seeking Solace

[4] Dark ← Previous Story | Next story → [6] Break Away
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She curled up on the bed, tugging the ends of the blanket closer around her, wrapping her body in the heat of the comforter and trying to forget the body that lay beside her. As she shifted slightly so that her hipbone was no longer digging painfully into the spot where his bedsprings poked at her, she felt his hand, loosely slung across her body, tighten around her waist reflexively. She wondered what he thought about her right now, in his sub-conscious, when his thoughts were at his most true. She wondered if he still perceived her somebody he could enter a relationship with. Then she wondered if that was even what she wanted from him.

She let a small sigh escape, shut her eyes tightly, and watched the swirling shapes swoosh across her nightvision until she was dizzy. Then she opened her eyes, let the world swirl around her, and shut them again. Sleep would not come again, and his hand was still there, reminding her that tonight, neither her body or her thoughts were her own. After his cold touches, she craved a warm caress. Just one, to make all of the confusion go away.

He didn’t love her, but stll, she was there in his decrepit apartment again, sleeping next to him on his crappy bedspring mattress again. They did it because it was routine now. It was all one big pretense.

She turned around, carefully twisting her body around a full 180 degrees, holding aloft his hand from her body with her fingers. The touch no longer sent thrills. He did not stir or respond.

She gazed on his face, the soft smile playing at the corners of his lips, and again, she wondered if he would ever love her again. If they would ever find solace in one another, through good times and bad. She wondered too if that was what solace truly meant, to go back to somebody’s broken bedspring mattress night after night though the young passion of a motivated youth was dying down. They were not old, they had just become routine too soon. She let her eyes drift dismally down, noting the gap between their bodies, bridged only slightly by his arm held perpetually an inch above her stomach, separated by that comforter they had picked out together online, when they were really drunk and had nothing better to do.

Shifting slightly closer to him, she leaned her head over the rest of the way and pecked his lips, willing him to respond. Needing him to respond. Needing him to give her comfort.

He awoke, noticed her action, and made a half-hearted attempt to pull her closer.

Disgusted, she turned away again. He circled his arm back around her, but whether it was lovingly or possessively, she could not tell. So she lay there, eyes wide open now, letting the night pass her by.

He lay behind her, wondering where they had gone wrong.


My Man

He has to know how to listen.
He has to know that I will listen.
He has to share my taste in music, at least a little. 
He has to understand that no means no
He has to be honest
He has to be older than me
He has to be smart
He has to have an appreciation for books/reading

He would stay up late, talking to me.
He can stay up late, studying by me.
He should stay up late and be there for me.
He has to know that he can come to me for anything, anytime
He has to know that he can demand of me what I expect of him
He has to have an aggressive side

He can handle his alcohol,
He knows how to party.
He is my friend and my boyfriend

He can be a gamer or a sports fan, it doesn't matter, but
He has to understand that he can't force me into hobbies,
He has to know that I will never force him

He will enjoy long walks,
He will enjoy cooking with me, at times
He will enjoy going to the movies, going out for dinner,
He has to know there is more to life than the traditional man/woman breakdowns.

He should be Hindu,
He should value my opinion, and
He should not make fun of me.

He could know horseback riding or
He could enjoy going on vacations.

He has to love to travel, and 
He can't be afraid of airplanes.

He will entertain my crazy ideas of
Cross-country travel, backpacking trips, and follow trails through the forest.
He has to be somebody who can throw out crazy ideas of his own

He has to be able to handle distance, and
He won't flake out.

He has to enjoy dates and
Surprises and