The Socratic Method

I’ve got one more night until I’m in law school. WOAH. I’ve tried to accomplish a lot since my last post. Room’s organized, jewelry is organized, I went shopping, I figured out an outfit to wear, I’m all on track! I cleaned up the computer desk area, got my planner started, finished my reading assignment, took notes on the reading assignment, and helped somebody out with a Photoshop project. OH and also, I watched Season one of “Baby Daddy” (Hint: It’s awesome. I love Danny Wheeler and Ben Wheeler, the supposed star, really irritates me. The fact that the main female star likes him instead of Danny irritates me even more)

I wasn’t quite as accomplished in one night as Birdman and his friends in that video are…BUT I think I did my fair share LOL. Also on today’s agenda was painting my nails (I left my hands the same color – Miss Bliss, a pink holographic shade by Color Club) and am going to paint my toenails something shortly. Probably a purple of some sort, since I abhor pink in general. Miss Bliss only stayed because it’s holographic and looks good on my skintone)

I also got a haircut (Didn’t really touch the length beyond trimming 1-2 inches off so they look healthier. Re-cut to have my side swept bangs look like bangs and not just a short layer to try to frame my face or something. Got my arms and face waxed (Upper lips yay).

Oh my gosh, I plan to shower and be in bed by 10PM at the latest. Then I’ll wake up by 7 and be on campus, parked and ready to go, by 8:30. Tomorrow’s agenda is orientation, first Introduction to Law class, and then errands around campus. Namely, I have to submit my immunization records and make sure they’ve received my official undergraduate transcript from NYU.

BUT ONWARDS TO THE POINT OF MY POST’S TITLE. The Socratic Method.

It’s a style of teaching that first year law students FEAR before starting school. Professors call on students at random to answer their questions rather than waiting for a volunteer, that’s all. But it requires a certain level of paying attention and being prepared so you aren’t caught like a deer in the headlights not knowing the answer or not even realizing you’ve been called. You can’t go to sleep in the back of a lecture (I mean you can, but if you’re called, it’ll be rather embarrassing)

I’ve just gotta make sure I’ve got my readings done at all times 🙂

Let’s Talk Law!

Hi there 🙂 You like that banner up there? You better, cuz I made it on Paint and it’s awesome. Clearly, I haven’t gotten around to downloading Adobe Creative Suite on my new laptop yet.

Monday August 12 will be my orientation and first day of school Naturally, this is the weekend to PANIC.

The first crisis arrived when I started thinking WHAT AM I WEARING ON MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!?
(PS: WordPress’s website is using a new font in the Dashboard and stuff. I love it. I wish my blog wrote in this font, I must now figure out what it is. The font as it shows on the basic text input field right now looks so nice and fresh)

No really though. What does a girl wear on her first day to graduate school? I began a fury of reading through forums and articles and most people say “Just dress like you did in college” BUT NO. I WANT TO FEEL GROWN UP DAMNIT. I can’t roll outta bed and go to school in jeans and a t-shirt! That’s just too BOOORING.

Then I started thinking…maybe jeans and a blouse? I raided my closet and of course, nothing appealed to me.

Okay, jeans + mediocre blouse + BLAZER. That will fix everything! But I own 2 blazers – one is too formal (and hot) and the other doesn’t really match. How the hell does one match a brown & white horizontally striped blazer to ANYTHING.. Why is that even a thing? That blazer was a gift, but I’m just no good at styling it. Maybe I should start browsing Pinterest for ideas on how to use a horizontally striped brown and white blazer…

NO. SEE. This is another problem, I am getting distracted.

I’ll just wear a dress, that’s finally where my mind heads to next. But then I go through my wardrobe again and find fault with everything I own. This dress is too tight, this one’s too short, that one shows too much cleavage.

Then I’m just like WAIT A MINUTE HOLD ON NOW. I haven’t even waxed my legs, what am I doing looking at dresses. Shit, I had better remember to get my arms and legs waxed on Sunday. It has to be Sunday afternoon because Indian people’s hair grows back like 30 seconds after they shave it off. SERIOUSLY. One set of goosebumps and boom I’m a gorilla again. Ugh.

A female mind is a crazy thing. And right now, my mind is just spinning from one thing to the next. Let’s drop the clothing topic for now, because I’m going to the mall tomorrow and planning on remedying it then with the help of several hours of sleep, coffee, and a friend with valuable fashion insight.

There’s just one small problem now – what do I wear to class!? LOL Jokes. I have homework already. Yeah. HOMEWORKL

I haven’t done it yet. Going to shoot this post up (loldrugs) on the blog and then start reading. I figure it’s the first day for an Introduction to Law class and I’ve got all weekend and I’ve got freakin stamina when it comes to reading. It’s just like 3 or so chapters.

Clothing. Check (Sort of)
Waxing. Check (Sort of)
Studying. Check (Sort of)

WHAT AM I DOING OH MY GOSH. My room’s not cleaned up yet, my computer desk isn’t cleaned up yet, my printer’s not hooked up yet, I’ve not done anything. WHAT AM I DOING ON THE COMPUTER RIGHT NOW. That’s it, this post is over!

(Oh wait while I remember, I also have to figure out what I want to do with my nails and OH YEAH I NEED A HAIRCUT. It’s beautifully long (Longer than it’s ever been since I stopped being a child not in control of haircuts) but it needs some style. My layers grew out and no longer frame my face. My bangs are now chin length.)

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS, I know. But what can I do, this is how I express my excitement and nervousness all rolled together.

Law School: Final stamp of approval

If I chose to attend Hofstra Law (Recall from earlier posts that I am getting a full ride, essentially), I made two conditions clear to my parents from the very beginning.

1. I will have my own car, and I will take it where I please. I will be responsible for gas
2. I will not need permission from them before I go to and from school, parties, get-togethers, etc. I’ll keep them informed but if I’m out till 12am or 2am, that’s my business. If I’m studying at the law school library all night, that’s also my business, and solely my decision to make. I refuse to beg for their permission for the next three years.

I laid that out quite clearly and told them that this is what would need to happen if I went to Hofstra Law. They said yes. They are welcome to fret when I’m out all they want, but I refuse to live a prisoner in my own home for the next three years because they feel like being conservative and overprotective Indian parents.

So guys…I’m going to Hofstra’s Law School! It’s official – I’ve put in my deposit today.

After College, Before Work

It’s an awkward interim – I have graduated college, but don’t yet have a real job. I am telling myself that this is not because I am lazy and unmotivated, but because I plan on higher education in the form of 3 years of law school to obtain a JD that will hopefully help me get an even better job.

But I am SURE I’m not the only one who’s found out that there’s this lovely gap of several months between graduating college and beginning graduate school. I’m not the ONLY one who graduated early, after all. Right? 

Right. Googling for things to do in this break didn’t yield much results beyond “OMG GET A JOB” so here I am blogging about what I think I would rather do in the time between now and September.

What should I do in all this spare time!? I want to go travel – I am planning to travel to India, hopefully. I’m VERY VERY psyched that I’m done with college, but I’m still very reluctant about entering reality and work and law school. It will happen, but it doesn’t need to happen quite yet….

If you guys have had ‘breaks’ in your life like this, what have you done with them?

Here’s what I’m hoping to accomplish before I start law school in September:

1. Travel to India – probably in March or April? For a month or two.
2. Finish organizing and decorating my basement room/mini-apartment
3. Get a proper medical checkup – gynecologist + endocrinologist AND figure out how to regularly obtain birth control without paying out the roof for it
4. WRITE! I have so many unfinished projects on this blog
5. Go on a cruise – with friends, not family
6. Do something adventurous – skiing? Hand-gliding, para-sailing, hot-air-balloon, bungee jumping, skydiving…the options are endless. Pick one and do it!
7. Find a part-time job as a Paralegal once I’m done traveling
8. GET INTO LAW SCHOOL – preferably Fordham – and find an affordable apartment in New York City
9. Save up enough money for a car – long-term goal, don’t really need a car for the next three years while I am studying in the city
   
10. Save up enough money for a Euro-trip – long-term goal, this won’t happen until after law school as well. 

Pressure

I’m trying to visit law schools this summer, because I know that realistically speaking, it is highly unlikely that I get into a good law school in New York State. Mainly because NYS only has 3 really good law schools – Columbia, NYU, and Cornell – and they rank #3, 6, and 14 respectively. So I don’t think it’s wrong to consider my other options, spend time with friends, and also explore other colleges.

It’s just very frustrating that every time I bring up the subject of….my plans after graduation, my parent’s just take it for granted that I’m going to get into and attend NYU Law School. My dad tells me “Oh you told us that NYU had a 6 year program, that’s why we let you go” and time after time, I remind him that I said absolutely NO such thing. And he’s just rubbing it against me every time and he’s like, “Oh you’re so unreliable”

My mom’s concerns are pretty standard – she doesn’t want me to leave New York because she doesn’t think I’ll be able to survive out there in the big, bad, world. I mean one of her arguments is actually, “How are we supposed to move you in?”

PEOPLE ATTEND COLLEGE FROM OTHER STATES. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF ARGUMENT IS THAT? A WEAK AND FLAWED ONE. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, PACK A SUITCASE, AND GO TO SCHOOL. Other people do it. I’m a big girl.

She doesn’t get that.

As long as I stay within New York, she’s content feeding me bullshit about trust and freedom, but I don’t really have any freedom at all. The second I mention going somewhere else, she just shuts me off completely and feeds me one bullshit excuse after the next on why it’s an impossible idea. Not a bad one, but an impossible one. Completely dismisses me and just flat out says “NO” and stops listening. How am I supposed to reason with that?

I want to visit law schools this summer. I want to get out of New York for law school, and I want to travel regardless of where I end up going for law school. I want to spend this summer as far away from “home” as possible because I hate living at home for extended periods of time. I’ve hated it since about 10th grade. I’m sure I hurt their feelings when I so vehemently told them that I couldn’t wait to go to college, but the oppressive atmosphere at home is just really too much. I have to abide by their rules, and their rules are so old-fashioned and, as I said, oppressive..

It just makes me want to cry when they listen to me so dismissively. They refuse to acknowledge any alternate possibilities and I know that their dream reality is…probably never going to come true. So how am I going to live at home through the disappointment and pity  and anger on their faces when I don’t get in?

She actually had the nerve to throw Hofstra law at my face. Yeah well I’m not doing it. If that’s where I end up, I might as well abandon my plan of becoming a lawyer right now. I can’t end up there, I have to do well on the LSAT and escape. I just have to.

Pressure – Written in anger, unedited, probably complete crap but…words I had to get out of my chest.

There’s so much pressure
Pressure from my home, my family,
Their expectations are a crushing weight and
I’m just struggling to stay afloat.
They know I can do it,
BUT WHAT IF I CAN’T?

I’m smart, I just have to study hard.
Well fine, but it isn’t THEM that’s putting in the hours.
It’s me, AND WHAT IF IT ISN’T ENOUGH?

Where’s your optimism?
Have a little faith in yourself.
They say.

And my family’s expectations,
those heavy, heavy expectations,
loom above me like a challenge and
I’m foolishly standing under their shaky chandelier.

As if I don’t know that I need to study.
I do. I KNOW.
But they aren’t the ones studying,
They don’t know how hard it is, and most of all,
They aren’t the ones with all those expectations of success.

Motivation, stamina, perseverence, endurance.
Just suck it up and study,
They say.

Well that’s fine, but what if studying isn’t all I need?
I need recommendations and I need a good GPA
And guess what, I’m not as smart as they think I am,
Because I don’t even have a good GPA.

It’s just difficult, every time I speak to my mother and
Hear her talk about attending NYU Law. In her perfect
little dream world with all the stupid statistics
That don’t mean a THING. But no, in her world, they mean
That I’m going to NYU Law.

That’s ranked #5 in the nation. Maybe 6.
Either way, that’s a hell of a small number,
When I consider how many law schools there are in this nation.
How am I supposed to get into #5?

What am I, really?
I enjoy graphic design.
I write.
I read. A lot.
I express myself in poetry and
Sometimes in prose.
I have brown eyes.

I am short, not thin,
I’m not always funny, I’m sort of awkward.
Bossy.

Not girlfriend material,
I’ve been told time and time again.

I’m just upset and sad and
Under a lot of that pressure to
Do better than I think I can and
Try not to fail everybody in my family.

They just think we’re naturally good at it,
But I know I’ve slacked. I could have done better,
But let’s face it. I came to college and for the first time,
I wasn’t on par with everybody else.
PEOPLE WERE JUST BETTER THAN ME even when they weren’t trying.

How am I supposed to beat them and get their spot
In NYU Law, when they have gotten better grades than I
Every single step of the way.

This is stupid,
Who do I really think I am?
How am I supposed to achieve my goals
When my family is setting them for me,
Much higher than they should be
And I’m floundering and they don’t understand
And I can’t speak to them about it because
They just don’t understand and…

And they think that I’m throwing it all away.
If I just studied a little harder, spent a little less time with friends.

And that’s fine, I could have done that. It wouldn’t have changed my grades,
My papers would still be the same.
But I’m still just a B+ student
And a B+ doesn’t get you into NYU Law.

I just wish my parents could see.