I haven’t done a “personal blog” style post in a loooong time. As much as I enjoy the challenges that get me writing, I tend to forget that this is a personal blog first and foremost. But today, I sat down with my lunch and thought, with no small amount of shock, that if I look back at my blog posts alone this past year, I will have NO IDEA what went on with my life!!!!
Now this is a thought I cannot stand, and I’m going to begin remedying it immediately. Starting right now. I’ll title the purely personal update posts with a “Dear Diary” in the beginning so you can ignore them if you want!
This past year, several major things have changed in my life. I procrastinated my LSAT. I procrastinated my law school applications. I procrastinated my letters of recommendation. I procrastinated TOO MUCH! I took the LSAT in October and could theoretically submitted my application anytime after September, really. Instead, I submitted them all in March, and missed the deadlines of all the good schools. Not that it mattered, because I underperformed on the LSAT and lost all hope of getting into those anyway.
It was disheartening and my self-confidence took a pretty huge dip. It stayed that way for months. For almost the past half year, I was at a lower point in my life and I couldn’t even see myself getting into law school at all. Silly, irrational fears. They have a way of taking root and insidiously poisoning your entire mindset, and even last month, I was forlornly staring at my LSAC account and thinking that I wasn’t going to get into law school.
Well, I was wrong. I did get into law school. I didn’t get into a great one or even a spectacular one, but I got into law school. I got into that law school with almost a full ride. There are plus’s and minus’s. Logically, receiving this much financial aid made it a no-brainer. With the smarts that can only come with hindsight and retrospect, I am glad to have received this much money and feel like I am making a smart decision. I tell myself that even if I’d gotten into a better school, I probably would have picked the one I have chosen due to the money factor alone. How much of that is me trying to make myself feel better, I still don’t know.
With the stress and pressure of applying and getting into law school out of my mind, I spiraled out of control – in a bad way. We’re talking about eating unhealthy, constantly hanging out with my friends, and blowing money on food, entertainment, nail polish, and makeup like I had a job. At the end of January 2013, I no longer had a job. Instead of realistically planning to find one, I again took a procrastination route.
I convinced myself I deserved the time off and spent the next month in New Jersey with my cousin. After that, I spent a month sleeping in until 3PM, staying up all night watching movies or blogging, and frantically trying to sell off my extra makeup because I really did have way too much.
There have been several crucial points of change that have shaped my life and given me a more healthy perspective on things.
Getting into law school with the money helped. Getting into a regular blogging routine here and on NailSparks also helped. But the most help has come from a single person, whether he knows it or not. He has motivated me to take charge and stop whining. To just grow up already.
And that’s what I’ve done, in a nutshell. I’ve grown up. Somewhere along the way, I have graduated college, started working full-time as a Paralegal, and made a meaningful relationship with somebody who only makes me want to be even better.
Isn’t this the best kind of growth?