That’s right, my lovely followers. Today, Controlled Derangement turned 21. Today, I turned 21!
I’m very excited, of course, but need to make a trip to the DMV and have a better picture taken for my 21+ ID. This mug shot simply will not do. I started the day off with birthday cake. Some of the icing OBVIOUSLY made it to my face. What good are brothers if it doesn’t, huh?
After that, I was up until ~2ish because I had family over (It was awesome. I love big family gatherings like this. I don’t think I can fathom coming from a smaller family…this is just so much better)
Currently, by the way, I am blasting (Okay, playing) a birthday playlist at work haha. It’s fairly dead and I was watching Olympics highlights earlier but now I’m actually just listening to songs about birthdays and typing up this post. I think I left Birthday Sex on repeat for about half an hour. Oops.
This post is very scattered. It’s nearly 2PM and I definitely opened this up at 11. I keep getting phone calls and people walking in and then I went on my lunch break so…oops!
BUT WOW GUYS, PRYANKA’S 21 YEARS OLD. That’s still young but finally old enough that I am an adult. An adult. Doesn’t roll off the tongue just yet. Maybe later, when I go out with friends and purhase my first legal drink, things will be different? Who knows.
I started writing this post as a response to my bestest bestest best friend. My biffle, Nabila, posted a happy birthday letter to me right here. I’ll post one right back at her but you’ll all have to wait a little bit longer to read that. Next post ❤
Well, this entire post was a fail…it’s already 4:45. How did the time fly by so quickly? I’ll just get down to it and not let myself get any more distracted.
Dear Nabila,
Thank you so much for the letter/blog post you wrote for me!! I am very very sorry – I have not been easy to get in touch with and have disappeared like I tend to do over the summer. Not entirely disappeared…but we’re just not on the same online mediums I think.
Let me just let you know now – I go on Skype most nights, and I also check my FB for notifications prodigiously, as it is how I communicate with the nail bloggers and nail polish community in addition to check on NYU Club updates. And also just talk to people in general. Honestly that’s the one site I’m active on…I have notifications automatically sent to my phone over WiFi or Data because FB is a crucial means of communication.
I just wanted to share something with you since you can’t see my FB status about it…when I made my first color, Accidentally Amazing (I blogged about it a few times on Nail Sparks*), I made 5 bottles of it and sent them out to people for free in exchange for their honest opinions, pictures, and reviews.
Isn’t that awesome?? Just another chapter of my life that I want you to witness! And such a great 21st birthday present from the Nail polish world LOL.
I’m going to be all sappy and stuff later. Like super sappy. Like I’m going to be blowing into a tissue so you better get teary0eyed-too kind of sappy.
Because you’re the person who has been with me through thick and thin and my friendship and love for you will never ever ever waver. EVARRRRRR.
I’m sitting here awake at nearly 5 in the morning, and thought it would be a good time to write up a post!
I have so many sitting in my Drafts folder, but I never really know what to say here anymore. I’m going to touch base with the roots of Controlled Derangement and talk about my thoughts.
That’s what this site is supposed to be. My little personal internet haven where I am allowed to be as bitchy and whiny as I want because I have nobody to answer to but myself. Readers are warned now – this blog has always been a personal one. A no holes barred one. Just keep that in mind.
A lot has been going on these past few weeks of summer, and too much of it has been related to non-academics. My nail polish collection has grown into an addiction. A full blown one where I have around 400 nail polishes now and asked for a proper ALEX drawer unitas a birthday present. In fact, daddy just finished setting it up tonight, at around 1AM.
Here are some pictures of the whole process!
As you can see, I initially had the lighting settings all wrong and everything is all yellow! But here’s a closer view of the finished ALEX drawer unit –
I need to re-house my entire nail polish collection, which is currently stored in shoeboxes and then stuffed into a large under-the-bed clear plastic container.
I’m not kidding, I’m going crazy. You can see that when I start something, I go hard. When I started writing, I just wanted to tell you guys about all the fun stuff going on in my life. I ended up blogging about nail polish. I really and truly enjoy everything about it. Applying polish while watching TV or reading has become one of my favorite pastimes. It’s relaxing, it’s creative, and I really, REALLY love it.
I’ve even started working on some craftier projects, trying to incorporate nail polish when I can. You’ll see more of those projects when I’ve completed them, as some of them are to be gifts and I don’t want to spoil any surprises!
Other than that, I have been fretting about birthday presents recently as well. I have two ultra-big projects to finish so that I can give Nabila and Christine their gifts on time!! It’s really difficult preparing a present for somebody when they’re so secretive about wanting something! Seriously -.-
One last thing I wanted to say though, before I go back to bed and try to sleep. Okay fine, two things.
Tomorrow, I’m going TO AN ARCHERY RANGE with Christine and other friends. I totally haven’t finished her present yet so all I’m doing is gifting her a card for now and bringing her present over to her on August 1st since we’re both working on campus. I’m really excited for this though!!
Then, on Monday AKA MY 21ST BIRTHDAY, I’ll be attending aNAIL POLISH MEETUP hosted by blogger and nail polish creator Maria of Cult Nails.
Alright really now, I need to rest up before I head to go shoot some bow and arrow and kick butt tomorrow. Pray that I don’t hurt somebody else (or myself) tomorrow!!
Somebody come cuddle me. I really really want to. I promise I’m comfortable. I promise I’m good enough if you’ll just let me try to show you.
Please, don’t run away. I said NO, please don’t run away. DON’T!
Am I coming on too strong? Should I suppress my desire and let you think we play the game of cat and mouse just a little longer? I’m not that easy, am I? Or am I too hard to get that you’ve given up?
What did I do wrong? Is it something I said? Did I text you too often, or not enough?
Am I busy? Unavailable?
Am I sending out the wrong vibe? What happened after our third date?
NO don’t tell me you’ll call me, you may as well tell me you’ll break my heart. Where is the passion in your eyes that inflamed our bodies the first time we met?
We spent hours together, just talking. Didn’t that mean something to you?
I’M TELLING YOU, I CAN DO BETTER. Just tell me what you want, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything, just don’t leave.
Please, please please I’m begging you please don’t leave.
Don’t leave because if you do I’ll be all alone at night and I really liked it when we cuddled that night. Remember that night? Please don’t go, think back to that night it was real.
It was real I was real we were real it was all real DIDN’T IT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
Is it June 16 already? Wow, who would have thought. I’ll be 21 in two weeks! Exactly two weeks…July 30th is my 21st birthday. I’ll contemplate and philosophize over that later.
Back when I blogged mostly to myself, I think I posted things that were a lot more personal to my emotions at that time. This is my diary, but I think I forget that sometimes and try to bottle things rather than write them here. That’s because with increased followers comes increased responsibility. Nobody following my blog wants to know about my personal issues. Everybody has them and everybody finds a way to deal with them, and I’ll be the first one to tell you that I hate having friends who only rant to me about their problems.
That doesn’t mean I’m not there for them. I am, 100%. But a friendship cannot just be a crutch! Similarly, this blog cannot be my crutch. I cannot simply whine and be “depressed” on here because you all will think I have a much more generally unhappy disposition than I actually do.
I’m usually very chipper, I promise. Summer always gets me down though, because I’m at home with my parents and to put it simply, we don’t see eye to eye on 99.9% of things.
So I’ve spent half my summer in NHP aka Nothing’s Happening Place and although I’ve definitely been able to see a lot more of Jess (We always catch up over summer after spending the school year at different colleges) the overall restrictions and lack of freedom is killing me.
I need permission to do anything, I need a car to get anywhere from here, I can’t stay out late, I can’t hang out with friends, I can’t make last minute plans, I can’t drink, I can’t see friends that are boys, I’m in a basement with no signal, and I am generally unhappy with my relationship with my parents.
Blah. Summer’s only half over but it feels like it’s been a millenia. Usually I look forward to moving back into my dorm but this year, I won’t even have that.
It’s like walking toward the light in the tunnel and finding out you’re emerging into perpetual night.
Ever since…December of 2011, the one thing I have sorely missed is the comfort that comes with cuddling. As I said to somebody earlier today, there is a certain comfort in those intimate moments before you fall asleep and right after you wake up, when being in somebody else’s arms makes your whole body feel more at ease.
I miss the comfort when you have confident arms securely wrapped around you, and the heat of another body to keep you warm. Call me girly, but I love being held. And I sorely miss it.
It is that feeling of knowing that somebody else cares about you and wants to be close to you that lulls you into the best sleep you’ve ever had. Fine, you sleep fitfully sometimes because you’re afraid of tossing and turning too much or taking over the entire bed, but once you move past all that, you sleep with a smile and wake up feeling so happy.
And let me stress one more thing while I am writing this quick post. Cuddling is so much more comforting when it is somebody who cares about you. A “hook up” cuddle just isn’t the same. You do it awkwardly because you feel obligated to, but in the morning, you are unsure of the protocol. Do you cuddle? Do you sneak out of bed? Do you stay for breakfast? No, cuddling with somebody who doesn’t mean anything to you just isn’t the same.
So yes, I miss it badly. Not the physical intimacy, but the emotional and mental intimacy that you can only experience when you share a bed or couch with somebody you are close to. The sweet nothings, the giggles, the glimpses into your innermost fears and desires…they belong in the ears of somebody your body belongs with. Fits with. And that’s the person who you will find the most comfortable cuddling with too. It’s not just about the sex or the satiation of intimacy after sex, it’s about developing a relationship. It’s the pillow talk…that’s what makes cuddling so damned appealing and comforting to just about every girl out there.
Today was my last day of Jury Duty! Unfortunately for me, because I was an alternate juror, I was not a part of the final jury that is deliberating today and tomorrow (and however long it takes thereafter to reach a unanimous decision). The other alternates and I were dismissed today and thanked by both attorneys.
The Honorable Judge even remembered where I study! Before I left his court for the last time, he calls out “Oh and Alternate 3, good luck at NYU”
I blushed. So awesome that he remembered!
After that we got to briefly meet both the defense and prosecution attorneys, and that was really amazing. What I found disconcerting (but cool) was the rapport they had with one another out of the courtroom. Not only cordial, they were swapping stories, laughing, and at ease with one another. I don’t know if the reason is that she has defended many people against the ADA who was prosecuting the case or what, but you would have thought them a pair of friends if you saw them outside of the courtroom.
To me, that’s crazy. All personal emotions and relationships need to be left outside of the courtroom, but no matter how competitive the case gets, they are able to look one another in the eye with no hatred afterwards. No resentment.
I wonder if someday in the future, I’ll discover the secret of how I can do that.
I totally wrote this post up on June 27, but never got around to posting it. Better late than never!
I do not know if and when the frequency of blog posts on my blog will become faster. I’m in a real writing rut right now, and haven’t been doing much graphic design either.
I expect no fear, favor, or sympathy from my readers either. I’m still around though, so don’t give up on me just yet!
This is the second outbreak of the Community Network Meme! The first one was the Community Network Meme of December 2011 by the lovely Tom Baker. The format of this one is much the same as that, and all posts with the meme were to go up at midnight.
I have been a very bad June blogger and lost touch with my blog and my desire to write things for a while. Trying to write a book stressed me out so much that I ended up abandoning the project early on, but losing my resolve to blog about it too. It was weird, and I feel so sorry that I’m even writing it now, but for a while there, I didn’t even want the hassle of blogging 😦 How can I say that!?
Controlled Derangement is my baby. And late or not, I signed up for this meme, and now, I’m going to do it! Better late than never in this case.
1. When you were a child what was the hardest or scariest thing in the world (i.e. movie, book, chore, etc.) to you that as an adult is neither hard nor scary?
When i was younger, the hardest thing in the world (That is not hard or scary now) was meeting new people. I was shy, I was awkward, and I didn’t want to be there. I’d stand right behind my mom, not even daring to peek out because I knew people would notice me. I hated being in pictures, and if you put me in a new place with a lot of kids, I was terrified. Now, I’m the complete opposite of that little girl. But, truth be told, we both are still deathly afraid of creepy crawlies.
2. If you were offered the chance to be a cooking star on a Food Network show, which of these three would you choose for a mentor: Bobby Flay, Giada de Laurentis or Alton Brown?
Alton Brown yo. Are you kidding me? Good Eats was like my MANTRA and Alton Brown was the coolest scientific chef EVER. I know so many random tidbits of information about things because of him. I even learned my favorite chocolate chip cookie from him. I know I don’t know them, but the impressions I get from Giada and Bobby are superficial/saccharine and arrogant/condescending respectively. Boo.
3. What is your favorite theme offered by your blogging platform that you are not using and what theme do you absolutely hate? Provide links to both along with your explanation.
Dude, this requires actual research. Fiiiine, I’m getting on it.
One I hate – Manifest– I hate not only that theme, but all themes like it. It is boring, bland, and without personality. It is a single-column layout that leaves no space for blogrolls, calendars, cloud tags, contact information, etc. Perhaps it is a good base template, coding-wise, to build off of, but if I see a blog with a theme that plain, I lose interest before I even start reading the words, no matter how marvelous they may be.
The good ones have certain requirements for me. I want a theme that clearly differentiates one post from another (standout header options). Flexible width, at least two columns, but no more than three. Option to customize the top banner, side & top navigation, and color scheme. Date for each blog post clearly identifiable. Enough room in the sidebar for a tag cloud and a calendar, and please, not too much white! I’m rather picky, I know. Examples are Funki, Ari (Infinite scroll, but a limiting sidebar), Quintus, Rounded, Bueno, Choco, iTheme2, and Brand New Day.
4. Who is someone from your past that you are sorry you lost track of?
My first ever friend, Tavneet Gulati. If she’s out there, I have no idea where she is, how she is, and who she is anymore, and that sucks. I had a suspicion that you went to the Hicksville HS that my cousins went to, but when they asked their Tavneet, she said she didn’t remember anybody named Pryanka. We were not that young, you and I, when our families parted ways. I still miss you, and wonder what we would have been today if our friendship had survived.
5. What would you take to a deserted island?
Saw a lot of people say technological devices. Screw that, you won’t have signal or data coverage! I’d want to have brought a lighter, a knife, journal, a water canteen, energy bars, sturdy boots on my feet, and if I was lucky, a sleeping bag, first aid kit, matches, and a flashlight.
I’m sorry, this is survival, not a vacation right? Saw some people who wrote flavored drinks, bathing suits, books, and other such frivolities. Perhaps the quesiton was too vague. I am assuming that if you are on a deserted island, you are lost, stranded and in trouble, not there on a one week, no-holes-barred luxury vacation on your private jet.
6. If you could get into the mind of anyone (living or dead) and read all their thoughts, whose mind would you choose to raid?
This is tough, just one person? The mind of a killer. A genius.
7. What are the entire contents of the top drawer of the table directly next to your side of the bed?
ATM I don’t have a bedside table. I sleep on a pullout couch in the basement, how fun. Well to be even more precise, right now I’m on a mattress in my brother’s room while the basement’s being renovated. But back when I had one of those lovely tables, they would have had –
Contact supplies – Contact case, hydrogen peroxide solution, saline, conditioning solution, eye rewetting drops, and a mirror.
Nail polish
Glass of water
My LSAT notebook
Phone charging dock
iPod Touch
Alarm Clock (Wait that’s on top, not in the drawer)
8. What is the one thing you have in your dorm, apartment, or house that you never want your parents to find.
That pink vibrator 😉
9. Your daughter is having a sleepover for her 12th birthday. Around 8:00 pm a thunderstorm knocks out power. How do you entertain twelve pre-teen girls when all the cell-phone batteries have died?
Whip out my candles and my 300+ nail polish bottle collection, along with my other nail art supplies. Have at it.
I’d then take out all the frozen goodies…they’ll unfreeze anyway so ice cream and popsicles for EVERYBODY!
Board games and card games for all the girls.
10. What aspect/trait about your personality are you most sensitive about (as in, you wouldn’t stand anyone criticizing about this one aspect)?
Nothing really pushes a buton that way. If I had to pick, I prefer people not to call me out on my lack of common sense sometimes! (All the time)
11. Mr. Tom Baker has had two previous virtual nude dinner parties. He is now inviting you, his blogger friends to his home for a real nude dinner party. This is not a virtual dinner party; it is the real thing with all expenses paid and the usual five course dinner prepared by him. Will you or will you not be present at said nude party?
Depends on who else is invited. All expense paid vaca as long as I’m naked during dinner? That’s fine with me. If you invited me, then you’ll have to deal with the fat LOL.
12. What one piece of movie memorabilia from which movie would you love to own?
Nada. There’s no famous nail polish (because of a movie), is there?
13. If literary characters were real and you could interview any one of them, who would it be and what’s the first question you would ask?
Harry Potter
Where do you think you would be if you weren’t a wizard?
14. If you had to choose a theme song for yourself from only the Classical genre, which song would it be?
I’m sorry, I simply cannot do this any justice. I do not think my life can be encapsulated in one piece of music, nor do I know enough about the classical genre to pick out that one piece of music.
I picked Four Seasons – Vivaldi because it is a very rounded out song. It speaks of changes and cycles and seasons and changing times and I think that it quite possibly meets the requirements to be the theme song for this world.
15. What is your most quirky habits.
Running my fingers through my hair, finding comfort in poking my belly button (IT WARMS UP MY FINGERS DON’T JUDGE), and lately, always having nail polish on my nails
16. When was the last time you took the time to act like a child and what did you do?
There are so many instances! Last friday night, I slept over at my 9 year old adoptive sister’s home (By that, I mean that they are technically former tenants and family friends, but their daughter is just like my lil sis) and watched Just For Kicks with her. We also played Badminton in the backyard, did our nails, and colored together. I love coloring books to this day.
Before that though, I went to Sesame Place with all of the kiddies (My cousins and their kids, ranging from 1.5 to 6 years of age) to Sesame Place. That was SO much fun you have no idea. Kiddie wave pools are so awesome when you see your 3 year old niece jump up and down shrieking over the half inch wave that just lapped her ankles. Not even being sarcastic, the smiles on their faces made it the best day ever!
17. If there was ever a past relationship, (friend or otherwise), that you could go back and mend, would you? Who would it be with, and why?
There are friendships I would erase, but mend…I’m not sure. I would like to have mended my friendship with Tavneet, as I said earlier, by not losing touch with her. She was my first friend – our mothers were pregnant together! We must have stayed friends from birth up until 7 or 8 years of age, and after that, they moved upstate and our fathers got into a fight over something I was too young to ask about. That was a time before the internet and cell phones and e-mail and usernames were a widespread phenomenon, believe it or not, so when she moved away, we lost touch for good. By the time we were old enough to reconnect, I don’t think we had any idea where the other was. I would want to mend that if I could 😦
18. What would you do if all of your followers left comments daily and would be it be too much for you to handle? Would you hire someone to answer comments for you?
OH GOSH, PEOPLE HIRE SOMEBODY ELSE TO DO THAT? That’s the most ridiculous notion ever. If all of my followers left comments daily, I would brave through them, respond to them all, and enjoy the conversations that I could see taking place. I do not think my blog is the type of blog to inspire that, but if I did in the future, I am more than willing to communicate with them.
19. Do you know how far back your ancestry goes on either side of your family tree? How far?
Do I personally know how far back my ancestry goes? Not really, not past the great-grandparents on either side. Is our ancestry traceable far beyond that? Yes, of course. I’ve just never bothered.
20. If you could compare yourself to anything in the universe, what would you compare yourself to? Why?
A vampire 😉 It’s a running joke. I love the dark, I love staying awake all night and sleeping in, and I have dark moods that surface in angsty poetry written during those periods.
Controlled Derangement 